Unfortunately however, reality soon set in, the very moment, that
Lister, entered, the absolutely filthy Science Room. Why, all of
the computer
monitor screens, were absolutely saturated, with dust! Why,
the Science Room, was almost unrecognisable! It was an insult,
to all of the good times, that they had spent, in that Science
Room, in the past! The tears started to pour down Lister's face,
and with only an hour and thirty five minutes, worth of sleep, this
was all, that he needed!
A very dusty Holly, suddenly appeared, on the screen. Lister
could just about, make her out. She looked rather peeved, to
say, the very least! And her first words, to Lister, were -
"Good morning Dave, very nice of you to turn up, I must say!".
Lister, was also very peeved, to say the very least! "Holly,
I'm only ten minutes late! For smegs sake, I've only had the
best part of an hour, and thirty five minutes sleep!" "Took you
all night, to do, all of your unpacking, from Starbug, did it?!".
A by now, very irate Lister, stated - "Give us a break, Holly!
Kryten's battery power ran out, about three hours ago!
The shock of arriving, on the Dwarf, caused his battery
power, to run out, not to mention, all of the unpacking,
where the Cat's suit racks, and his smegging mirrors,
were concerned! And I had to get the Skutters, to assist
me, and I had to work out, just exactly how to smegging
recharge him! And don't expect him, to be his usual chirpy
self! He's gonna need, another ten hours, to get himself,
back together, at the very least! And cleaning up, the ****p,
will have to wait, for the moment, if that's what you're so
worried about!".
Holly sighed. What a predicament, they had all got themselves,
into, at this present time! Why, everything, was such a mess!
They were back, alright, but things, just weren't the same! Her
fellow Dwarfer's, were a shadow of their former selves,
especially after all, that they had been through. Lister was
deeply traumatised, especially, as he had believed, that
Rimmer, had been Kochanski, for the best part of four
hundred and two years! And for the time being, what with,
one thing and another, Rimmer was now out of action. Kryten,
had more or less, run out of power, after his battery, had
packed up, and the Cat, was even more defiant and indolent,
than ever! And it didn't exactly help matters, that Lister had
had, only an hour and thirty five minutes, worth of sleep, since
they had arrived, back on the Dwarf, either! But Holly was
fully aware, that she had got a ****p, to run, and the sooner, that
she explained, their present situation, or their current predicament,
(to be more precise!) to them, the sooner, the better! Then there
could quite possibly, be some sense of order, amongst them, once
again! Unfortunately however, she had got to be merciless, for the
time being! And she reckoned, that Lister could quite easily, catch
up, where his sleep, was concerned, once they had all been
thoroughly briefed, where their situation, and current predicament,
was concerned, anyhow!
However, for the moment, Holly thought, that it would probably be,
for the best, to try and calm Lister, down, a little bit. The last thing,
that she wanted, was yet another argument, which would definitely,
slow down their journey, once again!
"I'm sorry Dave. I had no idea. I'm sorry about Kryten, I hope he'll
be, in a coherent state, for the de-briefing". stated Holly. "He's had
an hour and forty five minutes worth of recharging time, Holly. He
should be more than ok, where his basic communication skills, are
concerned". And at the very least, Lister thought. He's had ten
minutes more kip, than I've had!
"Dave could you do me a favour, before the others arrive,
could you dust my screens, on the console? I'm having a
real job, where focusing on you, at the moment, is concerned.
There's some old rags, in the cupboards, over there".
Lister made his way over to the cupboards, which were
situated, towards the back of the Science Room. The old
rags, weren't very hard, for him to locate. And he made his
way back, towards the console. And on the table, he
suddenly spotted a very dusty Talkie Toaster. And then he
suddenly noticed, that Talkie Toaster, looked totally dead,
and that, the large X on his side, wasn't fla****ng, anymore,
which obviously meant, that he was no longer, in full working
order. In other words, Talkie Toaster, was ineffectively dead,
what with one thing and another! Something was wrong, and
Lister guessed, that he had probably worn out, by talking to
Holly, for the best part of four hundred, and two smegging
years! Lister was a little bit concerned. Had Holly really
been driven, that mad, by the demented Toaster, that she
had made sure, that he had been turned off, for once and
for all?! 'That just wasn't like her', thought Lister.
Lister suddenly felt, a little bit sad and nostalgic. He couldn't
even remember, the last time, that he had spoken to Talkie
Toaster. And he suddenly felt awful, where that was concerned.
There sure had been, a hell of a lot of water, under the smegging
bridge, since then!
Lister suddenly felt, a little bit guilty. He had only been thinking
about himself, as per usual. He suddenly realised, that Holly,
had had a terrible time of it, as well. She had been stuck on
her own, on the Dwarf, for the best part of four hundred and
two years, with nobody to talk to, apart from Talkie Toaster,
the Skutters, and her singing collection of potatoes, which was
hardly the best of company, for her, anyhow!
As if she could read Lister's thoughts, Holly stated - "He finally
packed up, a fortnight ago. I think his circuits, had blown up,
after all the jabbering, that he had done, about toast, and other
bread related products, for the best part of four hundred years!
He was a right pain, in the arse, admittedly! But you soon get
used to his company, after the best part of four hundred years
and two years, have passed you by! And he was extremely
concerned, that you, and the Cat, might not be, getting enough,
bread related products, while you were away, for all of this time!".
Lister nodded. He suddenly felt a little bit guilty, that the little
fellow, was no longer around. After all, he had never, meant
them all, any harm, when it actually came down to it, at the end
of the day! And he had always meant well, you couldn't deny
that! He was just a little bit irritating, really. But then again, no
more irritating, than a Politician, when it actually came down to
it, at the end of the day! And if you had a choice, of having the
likes of Tony Blair, and Talkie Toaster, to keep you company,
for the best part of four hundred and two years, I think, I would
definitely prefer, the company, of the latter! Well, anybody in their
right mind, would, wouldn't they? If they had got any sense, that is!
For Example: I will quote, the Conservative Party's 2005 Election
Campaign posters: "Imagine another five (four hundred) years of
him!".
Lister vowed then, and there, that he would do everything, that he
could do everything, in his power, to get Talkie Toaster, up and
running, again! After all, he had purchased Talke Toaster, for a
grand total of nineteen dollar pounds, plus tax, over three million,
and four hundred, and six years ago! And, as he was, the toasters,
original owner, he knew, full-well, that he had still got a
responsibility,
and a duty, to him! And Lister had a feeling, that after, he had caught
up, with his sleep, and the moment, that he, and his fellow Dwarfer's,
were all settled in, on board the ****p, once again, that he would soon
become, completely, and utterly bored, out of his skull, again! It would
only be a matter of time, where that was concerned! Lister wasn't daft,
he knew the score, where the inevitability, of the situation, was
concerned!
And Lister surmised, that it was probably for the best, if he had got
something to focus on, for the time being, anyhow! And repairing, Talkie
Toaster, was better, than nothing, he supposed. 'And beggars, couldn't
be choosers!' he thought. If they ever, got settled in, once again, back
on
board, the Dwarf, that is.....!
And Lister, was now beginning, to give up, all hope, that he, and his
fellow Dwarfer's, would ever get settled in, once again, back on board,
the Dwarf!
Lister stated to Holly, quite firmly, and with very strong reassurance:
"I'll have a word with Kryten, Holly, and we'll see, if we can get him,
up and running, once again! Now, I'm not promising anything, but
perhaps, we can salvage some spare circuits, for him, in the Engineering
section, on the Dwarf. Or perhaps, Kryten, may be able to repair him,
with some of his spare circuit boards, in his quarters, in time. After
all,
he got him, back up, and running, before!". Lister shuddered, when he
thought back, to the accident involving him, the toaster, the waste
disposal and the fourteen pound lump-hammer! And that explained,
why the toaster, had been down, in the garbage hold, in three thousand
separate pieces! But his constant demands, of asking Lister, and his
fellow Dwarfer's, whether they wanted, any more toast, had driven him,
utterly spare! And the little bleeder, using the greeting: "Howdy doodly
doo!", had been the last straw, before Kryten, had repaired him, that
is...
Lister carried on - "Or perhaps, when we explore, another derelict,
we might, even be able, to locate a brand new: Talkie Toaster!" (Heaven
help them, all, if they did! Marie Birch). For the first time, in what
must
have seemed, like ice ages, Holly managed a smile. "Ok Dave" Holly
answered, after Lister had finished wiping her screens, of the worst of
the dust, via the old rags, that he had located, in the cupboards, in the
Science Room. She was so grateful, that Dave had considered her
feelings, where her loneliness, was concerned, after the Toaster, had
finally stopped working, about a fortnight ago. And even though, she
had only been, without company, for the best part of two weeks, just
before, Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's, had re-appeared, on the scene,
Lister had obviously worked it out, that Holly's last two weeks, without
any computerised company, whatsoever, must have seemed like, an
eternity, to her! It was quite obvious, even to the offspring, of a
Village
idiot, and a TV Weathergirl, that Holly and Talkie Toaster, had become,
very good friends, after the best part of four hundred and two years! And,
Lister, had soon realised, that Holly had really suffered, during the past
four hundred and two years, without any human company, whatsoever,
into the bargain! And for the first time, in ages, Holly felt, a little
bit,
more hopeful, that the general morale, would improve, on board, the
****p, in good time, and she resolved, to be more cheerful, around Lister,
and his fellow Dwarfer's, for the foreseeable, future, anyhow!
Lister placed the filthy old rags, on to the side table, by Talkie
Toaster.
He was fully aware, that when Kryten finally got around, to cleaning,
the dusty Science Room, that he would not only, replace the old rags,
in question, back into the cupboards, he would make sure, that they
were thoroughly washed, so that, they could be re-used, all over,
again! Lister knew, Kryten's cleaning routines, only too well, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
But before, they could all get back, to their normal routine, on the
Dwarf, once again, Lister and his fellow Dwarfer's had all got, to
be de-briefed, by Holly, with regard, to where their position, on the
****p, was concerned. And before, they could, even do that, Lister
knew, that he would, have no choice, in the matter, but to find, it
in him, to find, the patience, to wait, for Kryten, the Cat and Rimmer,
to turn up, for Holly's forthcoming de-briefing, in the Science Room,
anyhow!
Lister had a terrible sense of foreboding, where Holly's forthcoming
de-briefing, in the Science Room, was concerned. And he had a
Godawful feeling, that he wasn't going to like, what Holly had got
to say, where their present situation, was concerned, anyhow!
As if bang on cue, Kryten entered the Science Room. And Lister, felt
very relieved to see him! Unfortunately however, Lister's relief, was
very short lived, indeed! Why, Kryten was a shadow, of his former
self! The very limited amount of recharging, had certainly taken, its
toll, on him. His general movements, were very un-co-ordinated,
indeed! It was a real struggle, for him, just to enter the room! And,
he could not lift, his legs, in the normal way. Well, whatever, passed
as normal leg movement, for a mechanoid, that is! And to make, any
leg movements, of any real significance, poor Kryten, had to lift his
knees, very high up, in the air, indeed, which made him look, absolutely
ridiculous! Lister's heart, went out to him. Why, he looked like
something,
out of an old silent movie! And therefore, Kryten's general bodily
movements, could quite easily, be compared, to Charlie Chaplin, and
Groucho Marx, of the Marx Brothers, for the time being, at the very
least, anyhow!
After Kryten had finally made it, to the front of the console, after he
had
stated, a brief: "Good morning, Holly" to Holly, and Holly, had
acknowledged
him, with a very peeved "Good morning, Kryten . Nice to have you back
with us. I hope, that you are functioning ok, now", and the way, that
Holly
put it, made you think, that poor Kryten, was recovering, from a hangover!
If only, it could be, that simple!
After Holly had made her welcome greeting to Kryten, Lister immediately
went over, to Kryten, and put his arm round his friend, and asked him,
with
concern - "Kryten man, are you ok?" . Kryten met Lister's eyes, with the
same old familiar recognition, which was a great relief, to Lister.
Unfortunately
however, he was looking at him, in a rather vague manner, and he stated -
"Good morning Mr Lister. It is good to see you up, nice and early! What
can I get you, for breakfast? I think, that you need a nice cup of tea!".
And
with that,
Kryten began to make his way, out of the Science Room! Before he could
get anywhere however, Lister grabbed him, by his robotic arm, before he
could get any further! He recalled, via the
computer readouts, on Kryten's maxi recharging unit, in his quarters, that
with
only an hour and forty five minutes, worth of recharging, that Kryten, was
only
capable, of very basic duties, and making a cup of tea, was one of them!
And
he would have soon run out, of power, before he could even begin, to make
Lister, his breakfast! Lister realised, that the shock of being recharged,
for the
best part, of only an hour and forty five minutes, had made him, slightly
incoherent,
which could be compared, to a human patient, in a hospital, that had, just
come
out of a coma! Lister hoped and prayed, that Kryten would have been
capable,
of communicating with him, and his fellow Dwarfer's, on a basic level,
where
their situation, was concerned, for the time being, anyhow! Unfortunately
however, that was just not, destined to be, for the time being...
Lister had no choice, in the matter, to speak, to the poor undercharged
droid,
on the level, of a Father, to a confused child - "Kryten, there isn't any
smegging time left, for you to do, a breakfast, for me! Holly wants to
de-brief us, where our present situation, is concerned!
We can worry, about your smegging duties, later! Do you understand?".
Kryten still continued, to stare, at Lister, in a rather vague manner.
Lister
was rather worried by now, and he stated to Kryten, in a very forceful
manner - "Kryten
man, you need to be recharged, for another ten hours, at the very least!
You
ran out, of power last night, after you had unpacked, our belongings, off
Starbug! And, I will definitely make sure, that you get recharged, for ten
more
hours, as soon, as possible! But in the meantime, it is essential, that
you
understand,
what is happening, where our present situation, is concerned!". Lister
looked at
Kryten, with desperation. This was all that they needed! A robot, who
could not
understand, what was going on, on around him! And Lister desperately
needed, to know, what the hell, was going on, where their present
situation, on the Dwarf, was concerned, so that, he could catch up, with
his smegging sleep!
Fortunately however, Kryten looked at Lister, with a very slight sign of
comprehension, after a couple of minutes, had passed, and he stated -
"Yes sir. Of course Mr Lister Sir. Yes, I do remember, the im****tance
of our situation, with regard, to getting underway, again now. It is all
coming back to me. I sincerely apologise, for not following you, just
then. But it seems, that my basic recognition commands, are not
functioning, as they should be. And I do seem, to be, a little bit
confused, with regard, to my various duties, onboard, the ****p, sir. But
I do understand, that Holly, does want, to de-brief us, with regard, to
where our present situation, is concerned, with us, getting underway,
again. I sincerely apologise, for any inconvenience, caused". Lister
looked, at his friend, with concern, and he stated - "I'm not surprised,
Kryten man, I only managed, to recharge you, for an hour, and forty
five minutes! You need, at least another ten hours, to get yourself, back
together again! I should be sorry, for any inconvenience, caused!" Lister
answered him, bitterly. It suddenly struck Kryten, and he said - "You're
right sir. It's all coming back, to me, now! My battery packed up, when
I had finished, taking your belongings, back to your Sleeping quarters!
Why, I-I feel like, I have been, to another planet, and back! And, I will
thank you, from the very bottom, of my rehydration units, for removing
me, from your Sleeping
quarters, to my quarters, sir!". Lister sighed and stated, to him honestly
-
"Well you've got Bob and Madge, to thank for that, man! I only got you
out, of my Sleeping quarters, and into the corridor! You were far too
heavy,
for me, to lift, and I-I, well, I'm ashamed to say, that I almost lost it
there, for
a while". Lister felt terrible. Why, he had almost, let his best friend
down,
which had happened, one time, too many, in the past! However, Lister
tried not to think, of the times, that he had let Kryten down, in the
past.
He knew, that he had got no choice, in the matter, but to focus, on the
future, especially, if they wanted, to get underway again! Or more
im****tantly, than that, if he wanted, to catch up, with the sleep, that he
so desperately needed, at this point, in time, anyhow!
Lister carried on "But if it hadn't been, for Bob and Madge appearing,
with
that stretcher, from the Medi-bay, I-I don't know, what I would have done!
But thanks, to their help, we managed to get you, on to the stretcher, and
into
the lift, without any further delay, and when I had got you back, to your
quarters, I managed to work out, how to operate, your maxi recharging
unit,
and I reckoned, that would be more than enough, to get you up and running,
again, on a tem****ary basis, at the very least! But you must get back,
another
ten hours of downtime, at the very least, before you can fully resume,
your
duties, one hundred percent, again! Like I said, this is only a short
de-briefing,
via Holly, with regard, to our present situation, on the Dwarf, is
concerned,
before we can get, underway, again". And Lister, was definitely beginning,
to
lose all hope, of them, all ever, getting underway, again! He had never
felt, so
miserable and depressed, in all of his life! He was in desperate need, of
twelve
hours sleep, at the very least! And, he desperately, needed a shower, a
change
of clothes, and some refreshment. He was even prepared, to eat a meal,
that
wasn't made with curry! He was that desperate, by now! His grubby thermal
overalls, were really beginning, to stink, quite badly, by now! And the
sooner,
that he could, get out of them, then so much the better! He was back on
the
Dwarf, alright, but things, just weren't the same! Why, their general day
to
day routine, was all over the place! By now, Lister, was a nervous wreck,
thanks to been so used, to the lack of space, on Starbug, and having to
re-adjust, to the generous amount of space, that the Dwarf, contained,
within
the space of ten hours! And he was sick, and tired, of wearing, the same
pair
of thermal overalls, that he had been wearing, on Starbug, for the best
part
of four hundred and two years! Why, they really did stink! And he was in
desperate need, of a shower and a change of clothes! What he wouldn't
give,
for that! And, the Cat, was even more, physically exhausted, than Lister
was,
because he had been completely and utterly overwhelmed, by the very little
work, that he
had had, to contribute, with regard, to the unpacking of his two hundred
suit
racks, and twenty two mirrors, off Starbug, was concerned! And even
though,
Kryten, was now back online, once again, he wasn't fully recharged, and he
was totally disorientated! And until, he got those ten hours, of downtime,
back,
Lister knew, that he would not, be fully active, where his duties, were
concerned!
And, as the ****p, was absolutely, and totally saturated, with dust,
from having been left, for the best part, of four hundred and two years,
the
poor knackered droid, had certainly ly got, his work, more than cut out,
for
him, where his cleaning duties, were concerned, anyhow! And even though,
Holly, was genuinely concerned, for everybody's welfare, she was very
grumpy, indeed, because she had been out of action, for the best part of
four hundred and two years, and that meant, that she had still got, to get
re-acquainted, where the general day to day duties, of a running a space
****p, that had been stuck, in deep space, for the best part of three
million,
and four hundred, and six years, was concerned, anyhow!. And Lister,
sincerely hoped, that the lack of inactivity, hadn't made her, even more
computer senile, than ever, and that, they would get away, from this
Godforsaken area of space, where the planet, with the despair squid,
and the Esperanto, was situated, especially, as they hadn't achieved
anything, from it, whatsoever, for the best part of four hundred and two
years, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the smegging day!
Why, it had all been, for nothing, as far, as Lister, and his fellow
Dwarfer's,
were concerned! And they were still stuck, in the same area, of smegging
deep space! And the sooner, that they were underway, again, then so
much, the smegging better! And as for Rimmer... Well, Lister and Rimmer,
had fallen out, the very last time, that they had spoken to one another,
and
thanks, to a very serious altercation, with his light bee, which had been
caused, via Lister knocking him out, unconcious, which had originally been
caused, by a rather heated argument! And Rimmer, had had, to go in, for
repairs, via the Hologramatic Suite, on Red Dwarf! And Lister, was
dreading,
making his acquaintance, once again! But he realised, that he had got, to
face
him, sooner or later! That much was true, anyhow! And even though, he was
practically collapsing, on his feet, Lister really did need Rimmer, to be
there,
along with his
fellow Dwarfer's, if only, to keep up morale, amongst them, one way or
another!
He knew, that he could not deny, that, when it actually came down to it,
at
the
end of the day! And even though, they were still at loggerheads, with one
another,
he knew, full-well, that Rimmer, would also be too concerned, with regard,
to
their present situation, on the Dwarf, and, that he would definitely not,
feel in the
mood, to argue with him, and he probably, wouldn't be speaking to him,
anyway,
with the exception, of anything to do, where their present situation, was
concerned,
for the time being, anyhow! And even Rimmer, wouldn't be prepared, to
argue
with
Lister, all that much, especially as he was far too tired, to argue with
him, at the
moment, anyhow! And he probably, would be more, than relieved, that
Lister,
was
in desperate need, of a much needed rest, which would be, the perfect
excuse, for
him, to avoid him! Well certainly, for the time being, anyhow! Lister knew
Rimmer,
pretty well, where that was concerned, anyhow! But the sooner, that
Rimmer,
was
back, on board, along with his fellow Dwarfer's, then so much, the better!
At the
very least, he would be, in a far better state of mind, where morale, was
concerned, on board, the Dwarf, anyhow! Or so Lister thought...
Unfortunately however, little did Lister, and his fellow Dwarfer's know,
that it wasn't quite as simple, as all that, with regard, to Rimmer, been
fully restored, to his hologrammatic status, on the Dwarf, anyhow!
By now, Lister, was a little bit tearful, and he said - "Kryten I let you
down man! You should have had, the best part of three hours, worth
of recharging time, by smegging rights! And I should have thought a
bit more, where getting you back, to your quarters, was concerned!
And I shouldn't have panicked, like that! And if it hadn't been, for
Bob and Madge, I don't know, what I would have done!". Kryten
looked at Lister, with great concern, and his eyes, were filled, with
his usual admiration, for him. He utterly wor****pped, his Mr Lister,
beyond a doubt! And he would never, have let him take, the blame,
for him, where his welfare, was concerned, even if, Mr Lister, was in
the wrong, in the first place! And Kryten, was more, than keen, to make,
a list of excuses, for him, as per usual! "Oh no, Mr Lister, you must not
blame yourself! After all, Holly had offlined, for the time being, and she
wasn't available, to offer you any advice, where assisting me, back to my
quarters, was concerned! And you had had more, than enough, to worry
about, where assisting Mr Cat, with his belongings, and there was, Mr
Rimmer's belongings, and your belongings, to consider, as well! And there
was the moment, when you were, without oxygen, for the best part of two
minutes! And you had not had, any sleep, for the best part of ten hours!
There were all of those factors, to consider, and you did manage, to work
out, how to operate, my maxi recharging unit, sir. After all, you got
there
in the end, you usually do! I think, that you did more, than enough, where
coming to my assistance, was concerned! I couldn't have expected, any
more off you, than that, sir!". Lister nodded, in agreement. At this
juncture,
in time, he was far too tired, to argue, with Kryten, and therefore, it
was
probably, for the best, if he let the subject drop. After all, Kryten, was
up
and running, once again. What more, could he have done, for him?! And he
would definitely, make sure, that he got ten hours worth, of recharging
back,
before he caught up, with the twelve hours, worth of sleep, that he so
desperately needed! And therefore, there was no harm done, there! But
Lister sighed, because he knew full well, that what he had done, for
Kryten,
and the way, that he had behaved, hadn't been good enough, when it
actually
came down to it, at the end of the day!. He had let him down, because he
really had not thought things, through enough, where assisting Kryten to
his
quarters,
was concerned, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! He
knew, that deep down, but he was more than prepared, to let it go, as
there,
were far more im****tant things, to consider, like getting the Hell, out of
the
area, of deep space, thay had been in, for the best part of four hundred,
and two years, as soon, as it was possible, for them, to do so! And if it
meant,
that they would have to start, all over again, where their route back, to
Earth,
was concerned, then so be it! He sincerely hoped, that they would all, be
able,
to put things behind them, where this was concerned, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day!. But Lister, knew deep
down, that it wouldn't be quite, as simple, as all that, and that they
would, all be
emotionally scarred, from their experiences, via the SS Esperanto, and the
Despair squid, and having to live a lie, for the best part of four hundred
and two years, was concerned, anyhow!
Lister was quite relieved, when Kryten cast his concerned eyes, on the
exceptionally dusty, and very silent Talkie Toaster, which was a subject,
which he would quite, gladly welcome, for the time being, anyhow! "Oh
my, the poor devil! He has finally stopped functioning! Why, he was part
of the team, after all!". Lister filled a deeply shocked, Kryten in, on
the
tale, with regard to Talkie Toaster, finally packing up, with only Holly,
for company, after the best part, of four hundred and two years!
And Lister did not, want to build, his hopes up, with regard, to getting,
Talkie
Toaster, back online, was concerned, anyhow! Fortunately however,
Kryten
looked, at him hopefully, and he stated: "I have got, plenty of circuit
boards,
and basic electrical supplies, in my quarters, Mr Lister, sir! And as I
hail,
from a century, which is considerably far more advanced, in technology,
than the century, that you hailed from! No offence sir! But as the
lifespan
of the
circuits, for electrical gadgets, is guaranteed, for the best part of
twenty
million
lifetimes, rather than five million lifetimes, via the century, that you
hailed from,
sir, I can quite easily guarantee, that if we are sensible, that Talkie
Toaster, will
be up and running, for the rest of eternity! And if that fails, there are
always, the
space derelicts, that we come across, via our travels! And they may have a
technology, which hails, from the twenty sixth, twenty seventh, and the
twenty
eighth centuries! And that, may be ten hundred times, more advanced, than
the technology, I am familiar with, sir! Naturally, I will have to find
out,
what
is wrong, with the little fellow, in the first place, before, I can do
anything, with
him, sir! And, I will have to clean, Mr Cat's Sleeping quarters, the
Sleeping
quarters, that you
share, with Rimmer, and the Science Room, before I can do anything, for
Talkie Toaster sir! And I will have to clean the rest of the ****p, as I go
along,
and Starbug, will desperately need, to be cleaned, and re-supplied, with
food,
basic toiletries, and there may be, some basic repair jobs, that may need
doing,
on the bug, after Holly and I, have finished checked, everything over,
where
that is concerned! But that said, I can fully guarantee, that I will
definitely, sort
him out, in my spare time, sir!".
Kryten seemed to be panicking a little bit, with regard, to even the
thought, of doing, all of his cleaning routines, and his general
maintenance duties, onboard, the Dwarf, and Starbug, because he
was, always fully aware, of all, of his cleaning routines, and his general
maintenance duties, that had got to be done, onboard the Dwarf, now
that he was back online, once again!
But as, he wasn't even fully, recharged yet, Kryten was completely
overwhelmed, by all, that had got, to be done, with regard, to all, of his
cleaning routines,
and his general maintenance duties, that had got to be done, onboard, the
Dwarf, and Starbug, for the time being, anyhow! And it was usually, a
matter
of routine, where all, of his basic cleaning routines, and his general
maintenance
duties, on the Dwarf, and Starbug, were concerned, anyhow! But that said,
Kryten's eyes, were ****ning, with complete, and utter ecstasy, with
regard,
to visualising, all of his future cleaning routines, and his general
maintenance
duties, were concerned, on the Dwarf, and Starbug! And if a human being,
had got ,to face everything, that had got, to be cleaned, and maintained,
onboard, the Dwarf, and Starbug, they would, have very soon collapsed, at
the very thought of it, all! But that was definitely, not the case, where
all of
Kryten's, cleaning routines, and his general maintenance duties, on board,
the Dwarf, and Starbug, were concerned! Why, he was looking forward,
to the task,of making sure, that every single area of the ****p, was
****ning
and sparkling, once again! And keeping, everything ****ning and sparkling,
on every single area of the ****p, was what he was aiming for! That was
his goal! He was already planning, his cleaning itinerary, in his head!
But
he was very frustrated, that he could not, find the energy or the
strength,
to do, all of his cleaning routines, and his general maintenance duties,
onboard the ****p, were concerned, at the moment! And Kryten knew,
full-well, that he would not get, very far, where an hour, and forty five
minutes, worth of recharging time, where all, of his cleaning routines,
and his general maintenance duties, onboard the ****p, were concerned,
at this point, in time, anyhow! And he also knew, full-well, that he had
got, no choice, in the matter, but to catch up, where those essential
hours,
of downtime, were concerned, for once and for all!
Lister was beginning to panic, because the very thought of Kryten, taking
charge of tidying up, the ****p, was making him feel, even more exhausted!
And he knew, that he had got no choice, in the matter, but to inform
Kryten, kindly and firmly - "Ey, there's no immediate rush, to get
everything,
up and running, again, Kryten man! And there is definitely no rush,
whatsoever, to get Talkie Toaster, up and running again! Please don't be,
in
a hurry, to get him up, and running, once again! Let's hear, what Holly,
has
got to say, where our present situation, is concerned, before you get,
your
cleaning itinerary, all mapped out! And like I said, earlier, there isn't
really,
any time, to be preparing breakfast, just yet! And, I don't really, want
to
asked, if I want any smegging toast, at the moment!". "Yes, Mr Lister sir.
Of course sir. I quite understand, the situation, where all of my duties,
onboard the ****p, and Starbug, and repairing Talkie Toaster, is concerned!
I will get everything sorted out, as I go along". And with that, Lister
did
his
best, to hide a huge breath of relief, where bringing Talkie Toaster, back
online, was concerned! And, he was vastly relieved, that was settled, for
the time being, anyhow!
And with that, the Cat sauntered in, to the Science room. Why, he looked
like,
an absolute wreck! His white zebra suit, was absolutely filthy, thanks to
all of
the dust, that he had been wallowing in, on his bed, for the past ten
hours!
His hair was still tied back, in its ponytail, which now looked, very
unstiffened,
and very unkempt, indeed! He had had a
quick wash, at the very least! But that said, he definitely looked, as if
he
hadn't
benefited, from his beauty sleep! He looked like, he had had a very bad
night,
on the tiles! And the confounded creature, had had the best part of ten
hours,
worth of sleep, which was far more, than Lister had had, when it actually
came
down to it, at the end of the day! And he needed, the best part of more,
than
another six hours, worth of sleep, before he could even think, of
beginning
his
beauty regime! Lister could not get, over that! But as the Cat, was
descended
from cats, it is a well known fact, that cats, spend three quarters of
their
lives,
asleep! And the more sleep, that the Cat could catch up with, then so
much,
the smegging better! And for the Cat, to have only caught up, with ten
hours
of sleep, was his equivalent, of Lister, only catching up, with an hour
and
thirty five minutes of smegging sleep, when it actually came down to it,
at
the
end of the day!
But that said, Lister, was still very bitter, that the Cat had had, the
best
part,
of ten hours, worth sleep, while he had had, only an hour and thirty five
minutes, worth of smegging sleep! And he still hadn't, received, any
smegging
benefit, from it, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
But
that, was the Cat, all over, for you! Why, he would never change, in a
million
years!
Kryten suddenly addressed the Cat - "Good morning, Mr Cat. How are
you? I trust, that you slept well?! Would you like a cup of tea, and a
cu***ber sandwich?". Lister sighed. Poor Kryten, was still peforming, in
a very limited manner, indeed. And with only an hour and forty five
minutes,
worth of downtime, his communication skills, were very limited, indeed!
And it didn't seem, to occur to him, that the Cat, could not, be bothered
to
acknowledge, his kind and concerned greeting! The Cat cast a scornful
look, at Kryten, and grunted, and he turned to Lister, and said - "What's
the matter, with freak face, bud? What's with the Jeeves and Wooster
scenario? Why, he's acting, as if we've come, for afternoon tea! If I'd
known,
we were all having a tea party, I wouldn't have even bothered, to get up!
I
thought we'd come to be de-briefed by Holly!". Lister sighed. He was just
as peeved, as well. And it was now 8.45a.m! And Holly had wanted to
de-brief them all, at 8.00 clock! And Lister was going to go, completely
and utterly out, of his crazy mind, if he could not catch up, with his
sleep,
sooner or later! He knew, that it was only a matter of time, before that
happened!
The Cat cast his eyes, towards Talkie Toaster, and it suddenly came to
him,
that Talkie Toaster, was completely out of action, just like Lister and
Kryten!
He asked - "What's the matter, with the breaded brainbox?! He looks
deader,
than Dracula's coffin, man!". Lister sighed, and stated: "He packed up,
about
three
weeks ago, Cat. He was Holly's only companion, for the best part of four
hundred and two years! He was all, that she had got!". "So it had come to
that,
then! She really must have been, that desperate!". Lister ignored the
Cat's,
heartfelt
comment, towards Talkie's welfare, and he stated - "Kryten's got some
circuit
boards, in his quarters. thant might be useful, which should get him up,
and
running, again, in time. And the technology, from the century, that Kryten
originally came from, is far more considerably, advanced, than the
technology,
from the century, that I came from, and he may be able, to keep Talkie
going,
for a lifetime!". The Cat suddenly looked, rather worried, after Lister's
comments,
with regard, to the possibility, of Talkie Toaster, running for the rest
of
eternity! And he ordered Kryten about - "Don't be too keen, to repair him,
too soon! I don't want him, giving me, a lot of varied toasted menu
options,
for breakfast! I want to keep, my waistline, the way, it should be
intended,
for the Cat kingdom., buddy!". Lister sought to assure the Cat - "It's
alright
Cat, he's already been warned! And besides, Kryten's circuit boards, might
not necessarily, be an option! And he might have to completely rebuild
him,
via any derelicts, that we eventually, get around to salvaging from, in
the
future! And the technology, on the derelicts, from any centuries, that we
may
not, even be fully aware of, may be, even, far more advanced, than the
century,
that Kryten, originally hailed from, Cat. So, I wouldn't be, too
pessimistic, or
all that hopeful, where Kryten's resurrection, of Talkie Toaster, is
concerned,
just yet!". 'Or maybe, that was just wishful thinking, on my part?'
thought
Lister.
{I think, that the most obscure centuries, that were ever mentioned, on
Red
Dwarf,
were the twenty eighth centuy, in Out of Time: Episode VI: Red Dwarf VI,
and
the
twenty seventh century in Beyond A Joke: Episode V: Red Dwarf VII. And as
far,
as I am aware, time did not advance, any further, than that, for the Boyz
and Lady
of the Dwarf, anyhow! But I cannot be fully quoted, on that, anyhow! Marie
Birch}
The Cat looked rather relieved, by what Lister had just said, with regard,
to the re-birth of Talkie Toaster, which could be compared, to the
Phoenix,
that had arisen, out of the ashes! And he was soon keen, to point at
Kryten,
and he suddenly began, to order him around, like he had done, in the past,
whenever he had wanted to use, the poor Mechanoid, for his own selfish
needs. I will quote an example: After poor Kryten's robotic form, had been
crushed, and turned into a fairly large cube, via the Psiren, who had
appeared,
to him, in the form, of his creator: Professor Mamet, who had ordered him,
to go into the waste compactor, a very selfish Cat, had insisted, on using
him,
as the dice, in the weekly crap game! However, after Lister had put his
foot
down, the very next day, the Cat had soon backed off, from ordering him
about, to do, a never-ending list of tasks, in his quarters, on Starbug,
and
in
the end, Lister had ordered Kryten, to repair himself, via his self-repair
unit,
immediately! And Lister vowed, that he would put his foot down, and get
the
Cat, to back off, from ordering Kryten around, all over again, if he
absolutely
had to, at this point in time, anyhow!
The Cat continued, to order Kryten about, with regard to his own selfish
needs - "Hey novelty condom head! After conference time, with Holly is
over and done with, before you do anything else, I want you to clean my
jacuzzi, in my Sleeping quarters out! I want it to be, absolutely
sparkling
clean, from all that dust, that I could eat a meal, off the surface of the
bath!
And I
thoroughly intend, to have a good long soak, after all the rigours, of
what
I have had to put up, with where moving all of my suit racks and my
mirrors,
off Starbug, to my quarters, on the ****p, are concerned! And then, you can
change, the bed linen! And then you..." Lister suddenly cut him off, and
he
stated, to the Cat, in a very tired and frustrated manner - "Cat, have you
not listened to anything, that I have just, smegging said?! Kryten needs
to
be
re-charged, for another TEN, smegging hours! His battery power ran out,
last night, thanks to your excessive demands, with regard, to moving your
smegging suit racks and mirrors, from Starbug, to your smegging quarters,
on the Dwarf, were concerned! And he has got, to order the Skutters, to
clean up, the corridor, and repair the corridor roof, where my smegging
quarters, are situated, before he can get round, to cleaning up, your
smegging
quarters! And after, this
de-briefing, with Holly has finally concluded, I will be escorting Kryten,
back
to his quarters, and I will definitely make sure, that he will catch up,
with those
smegging ten hours, of his smegging recharging time, that he so
desperately
needs! And, I am not allowing you, anywhere, near him! Do you
understand?!".
The Cat seemed to be completely taken aback, by Lister's attitude. He just
could
not understand it! And he had moaned, about his contribution, of moving,
his
suit racks and his mirrors, to his Sleeping quarters, the other night, as
if
he had
done it all by himself, which was so typical of him! And he had been,
completely
and utterly worn out, after moving, ten of his suit racks and all of his
mirrors, to his
Sleeping quarters, after the best part of an hour! As per usual, he was
only
thinking,
of himself! He had got no perception, of anybody else's needs, apart from
his own!
He is utterly selfish, isn't he?! (He is just like our
little black and white cat: Jess! She is utterly selfish, she really is!
And
she goes
into a major sulk mode, if her routine, is even slightly, disturbed! I
will
quote an
example: If me, and her Daddy go out, for the day, it really does, set her
back,
especially, as she cannot go to sleep, on the bed, for the afternoon! You
have
never seen a cat, as miserable, as our Jessie! She gives you a look, of
complete,
and utter contempt, because she has been put out, by what we have done!
She
even makes you feel guilty, for leaving her, all on her own, for a couple
of
hours!
Give them a paw, and they're in! Marie Birch)
Fortunately however, the Cat, was not going, to let Lister see, that he
had
got to
him, and he acted, all big and tough, in front of him, as per usual! But
Lister, was
soon wise, to his tricks, anyway. "Okay, buddy! Besides, I need to catch
up,
with
my beauty sleep! That short snooze, wasn't enough, for me! But Kryten, had
better
get, that jacuzzi, of mine, cleaned out, after he has had, his ugly sleep,
and he has got,
those slow coach robots, going on Monkey boy, and the Prince of Gloom's,
corridor!
You hear me, droid boy?!". Kryten suddenly looked very jumpy indeed,
because
the Cat, had always scared him, quite easily. That was because, the Cat
was
evolved, from cats, and there was such a wide gulf, between him, and Mr
Lister,
and even Mr Rimmer, come to that! And he was never quite sure, if the Cat,
was
going to do, to him, if he did not obey him! He was always terrified, that
he
would
pounce on him, just like a Lion or a Tiger, and eat him, for breakfast,
lunch,
tea and
supper, if it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And as
Kryten,
was not programmed, to understand, the difference, between a human being,
and a humanoid cat, he felt, that it was probably, in his best interest,
to
obey
the Cat, no
matter what, even though, the Cat, could quite easily, take advantage of
his
better
nature, which he could definitely turn to, his advantage, and walk all
over,
the poor
droid, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Kryten managed to exclaim - "Yes Mr Cat sir. Of course Mr Cat, sir. I
fully
understand,
Mr Cat sir! I will endeavour, to get around, to spring cleaning, your
Sleeping
quarters, as soon, as it is possible, for me to do so, sir!". 'Spring
cleaning!!!' Lister thought.
'Why, the Cat's Sleeping quarters, would need a Winter, Spring, Summer and
Autumn clean! Poor Kryten,
he had really lost, the plot, where his thought processes, were concerned!
And the sooner,
that he got, those ten hours worth, of recharging, back, then so much the
better! And Lister,
was deeply concerned, where the Cat;'s attitude, was concerned, as well!
Why, he was
utterly jiggered, and he wasn't quite, his usual, argumentative self! Why,
he was actually, far
too tired, to argue, with him, all that much, when it actually came down
to
it, at the end of the
day! And that, just wasn't like him! And he had only made his point, about
cleaning his Sleeping
quarters, to Kryten, just out of duty, and just to appear, big and tough,
in
front of Lister, and
Holly, as a matter of routine! In other words, he had only done it, for
the
sake of it, and even
the Cat, felt, that cleaning out, his Sleeping quarters, didn't actually
seem,
really all that im****tant, to
him, at this point in time, when it actually came down to it, at the end
of
the day! Why, he was
a shadow, of his former objective self!
And Lister had soon put that down, to the shock, that they were all in,
where
their present situation, on the Dwarf, was concerned! And he reasoned,
that
the sooner, that they could all get back, to their former routine, on
board,
the
Dwarf, then the sooner, the better! Lister did not think, that he could
take,
any more of this! And so far, ever since, they had stepped, back, on to
the
Dwarf, nothing had gone right, for them all! And thanks, to the Cat making
his
point, where cleaning his smegging Sleeping quarters, was concerned, to
Kryten, he had
only gone, and held up, their de-briefing, with Holly! And it was now,
9.20a.m!
And Holly, was supposed, to have originally begun de-briefing them all,
with
regard, to their present situation, at 8.00a.m, after breakfast! A non
existent
breakfast, that Kryten, would not, have been capable, of di****ng up, for a
very
knackered up, Lister and the Cat, which they would just not, have felt
like
having,
at that point in time, anyway!
And what was more, Rimmer, still hadn't arrived, at that point, in time!
'What
was the matter with him?!' Lister thought. Lister was fully aware, that
they
had
crossed their swords, since, they had last spoken. But that said, Lister
knew,
full-well, that Rimmer, was a stickler, for always being punctual,
especially
where very im****tant meetings, on board, the Dwarf, were concerned! And it
just wasn't like him, to be late, for a very im****tant meeting! Lister
knew
him,
far too well, for that! 'Something was very wrong, here...' Lister
thought.
By this time, Holly had had more, than enough, anyway. And she stated -
"When
you have, quite finished arguing, chaps! And now, that you are all present
and
correct, at long last, it is about high time, that I de-briefed, you all,
where our
present situation, is concerned!".
Lister, was almost collapsing, on his feet, due to the lack of sleep, that
he
so desperately needed, but his faculties, were still there! He did
not feel, that he was going to collapse, on his feet, from the lack of
sleep, that he so desperately needed, just yet!
'Something, was not quite right, where this was concerned!', he thought.
And
he
said, as much, to Holly, in a very loud voice - "Just a minute, Hol.
Pardon
me, but
am I missing something?! Well, are we all missing something here?! You
have
just
stated, that we are, all present and correct! But is there something, that
you may
have gone, and smegging missed, just now?!". Holly cast Lister a gormless
look,
and she said - "I don't think so, Dave. Perhaps, you might, have missed
something, that I may have left out. Perhaps, you can refresh me, a little
bit,
where that is concerned?".
And with that, Lister laughed at her, and he informed her, of what, they
were all so
desperately missing, at that point in time, in a rather sarcastic manner -
"You could
say that Holly! You have only made a slight anomaly! You have definitely
missed
something out! It's quite simple, really! WE ARE NOT ALL PRESENT, AND
SMEGGING CORRECT, HOLLY! JUST EXACTLY, WHERE THE
SMEGGING HELL IS RIMMER?!".
And, it had also occurred, to the Cat and Kryten, that Rimmer, had still
not
put in
an appearance, in the Science Room, where Holly's de-briefing, on their
present
situation, was concerned. The Cat, was not, as bothered, about the fact,
that Rimmer,
was missing, as Lister and Kryten, were. But that said, even he could not,
help noticing,
Rimmer's quite obvious absence, in the Science Room! And he also joined
in,
with
Kryten's exclamation - "Yes, just where exactly, is {Mr}Rimmer, Holly?!".
And with that, Holly suddenly cast her eyes, skywards!
And now, that Lister has met up, with a very disorientated Kryten, and an
utterly
shattered Cat, exactly just what, is their position, with Holly, in the
Science Room,
with regard, to their present situation, on the Dwarf, where their route,
back to Earth,
is concerned?
And worse even than that, just exactly, what the smeg, has happened,
where Rimmer's whereabouts, are concerned?! Perhaps, the
extraterrestrials,
have claimed him, for their leader! Well, we can only hope so, anyway!
And he couldn't do any worse, than our former Prime Minister, Anthony
Lyndon Blair, is concerned, anyhow!
And will Lister be able, to give poor Kryten, the re-charging time of ten
hours, via his
maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, that is absolutely essentail, to
enable him, to
perform his duties, adequately and sufficiently enough, on the Dwarf, one
hundred
percent, before the Cat gets his hands, on him, to clean his Sleeping
quarters out,
before he can get around, to getting the Skutters, to do all, necessary
repairs,
on the roof, of the corridor, and clean the corridor, by Lister's
Sleeping quarters, and cleaning out, Lister's Sleeping quarters?
And now, that we have discovered, that our perky pal, Talkie Toaster, has
finally stopped functioning, after keeping
Holly company, for the best part of four hundred and two years, will
Kryten,
ever be able to
repair him, after he is up and running, again?! Or do we really want,
Talkie
Toaster, up and
running again, especially if he is going, to make constant demands, of the
Boyz of the Dwarf,
to eat, a lot of bread related products, in the near future?!
And will Lister, ever get a good nights sleep, and not come to blows, with
the Cat, before
they set off, for Earth, once again?!
And exactly, just what, is the significance of the long silver space ****p,
especially, where the
radio signal, and those two large silver coffins, are concerned?!
Find out all this and more, in the next exciting instalment of:
The Alternative Red Dwarf!
My new version of the Alternative Red Dwarf, actually set on the Dwarf, is
now available, for viewing, or downloading, at:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mainaltreddwarf.htm
If you would like to go directly on to my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, the
web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/xanadureddwarf.htm
Now available on my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website.
A review of Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton
Studios of the 4th of December 1998!
Some new Red Dwarf links on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Links
Website, which includes links to:
Red Dwarf: The Official Website.
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (UK, Eire and Europe).
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (U.S.A, Australia
and New Zealand).
The Craig Charles Online (Official) Website.
The Unofficial Craig Charles Website.
The Unofficial Captain Butler Website.
The Danny John-Jules Fan Club: (Address details only).
Kryten's Homepage.
The Unofficial Chloe Annett and The Unofficial Clare Grogan Websites.
The Unofficial Emile Charles Website.
The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Group and The Inquisitor Red Dwarf
Website.
The Josie Pargery Group - Red Dwarf-Fan Fiction.
And on the Xanadu Red Dwarf website, itself, are:
Future Red Dwarf Projects.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Favourite Episode Guide
has recently, been updated!
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Fact File Website.
A review of the film: Xanadu, and the lyrics for the
theme song: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John!
A review of the Red Dwarf VII Extended episodes:
Tikka To Ride/Ouroboros/Duct Soup/Possible
unedited material for Red Dwarf VII, plus a review
of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Tenth Anniversary
Smeg Ups/Universe Challenge and The Children In
Need sketch.
The Explanation For The Time Drive in Trans****ting
The Red Dwarf Posse Back To Earth in Tikka To Ride:
(Episode I, Red Dwarf VII), as well as, The Heady
Medieval Atmosphere of 15th Century Space!
A review of the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Back
In The Red I to III!
Coming up soon, on Xanadu: A review of Red Dwarf VII
by Kevin Blake and Marie Birch and an Additional review
of Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch!
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/craigcharles.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Craig Charles Website:
A link has been set up for Suzanne Rhatigan's (Kochanski
Camille) Website.
A Craig Charles Career Profile.
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial
Captain Butler Website, the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/captainbutler.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Captain Butler
Website:
A link has been set up, for the Captain Pugwash
Website/The Captain Butler Maritime and Non-
-Maritime Incidents Website, informs you, all
about, The Mary Celeste Mystery and just exactly,
how old, Admiral Horatio Nelson, was, when he
lost his arm!
The Captain Butler Good and Evil Pirates Website,
informs you, about, all, that you need to know, about,
Blackbeard, and the renowned legitimate Pirate:
Sir Francis Drake!
And my Captain Butler Fan Fiction: On The Good****p
Lady Captain has been updated!
For those of you, who are interested, in finding out more,
about the late actor Barry Evans, who starred, in the
Doctor series, and Mind Your Language, and not to mention,
the films: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush, Die
Screaming Marianne, The Adventures of a Taxi Driver,
and Under The Doctor. And Barry also appeared, alongside,
Dick Emery, in the 1981 BBC Comedy series: Emery:
A Legacy of Murder. Then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/barryevans.htm
For those of you who are interested in the Doctor series,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/doctorseries.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of the Doctor series: Why Do You Want To
Be A Doctor?
For those of you who are interested in Mind Your Language,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mindyourlanguage.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of Mind Your Language: The First Lesson.
With regard to these reviews, they are incomplete, due to time
constraints, but they are available, for viewing or downloading,
via the appropriate websites, above, and they will always be,
permanently available, for this purpose. And when, they are
complete, it will be my intention, to notify, the various newsgroups,
to whom, they have been posted to, but sincere apologies, for any
delays, caused, anyway, and my thanks, go to all, on alt.comedy.british
who are interested, in my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your
Language Website's, in the meantime, anyway! And, it is always nice
to know, that there is more, than enough interest, to make it more, than
worth my while, to keep, those websites going, thank you!
However, I am intending, to do brief plot summaries, of all of the Doctor
series episodes and Mind Your Language episodes, when, I next work,
on my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your Language websites, as
the reviews, that I am doing, of each episode, are very in-depth, indeed,
and they may, take up, a lot of webspace, in the meantime. And it is
probably, for the best, if I set up, episode Summary websites, in the
meantime, which will be, considerably shorter anyway, and for all fans, of
the Doctor series, and Mind Your Language series, then at the very least,
I have always, got something, that, will give them, something, to keep
them
going, for quite, a long time!
I will also, put up, a short independent notice, for this purpose, as
soon,
as
it is possible, for me, to do so, anyway, especially, as I do get, a lot
of
enquiries,
via email, in general, via the Doctor series and Mind Your Language
series,
from
all over, the world!
More recently, on Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website, you may be interested, to know, that, there are also links
set up, for The Men From The Ministry Website and a Maid Marian And
Her Merry Men Website (but there isn't very much, on the Maid Marian
website, apart, from the series episode list, and we have got to set up, a
counter status, and a plot summary episode list website, and a picture of
Maid Marian and Her Merry Men, but at least there is now a website, for
the series, at long last!)
But for those of you who are interested in Lynne Guy's General Information
and Classic British Comedy website, then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/lynnes.htm
On my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British Comedy website,
you will find links set up for:
Our Astronomy website.
The College Of Adult Education in Wolverhampton website.
The I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again website.
The Cats Protection League Headquarters website.
Wildlife Park Kirkcudbright website.
Kevin Blake's: Puzlebox Hobbies and Puzzlebox Business websites.
The Official Website Of The British Monarchy.
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website, you can find a web page, which informs you all about me:
Marie Birch!
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy website.
A message of sympathy for the families of the victims and the
firefighters,
who lost their lives, via the attacks, on The World Trade Centre and The
Pentagon, in the United States of America.
That's All For Now, Folks!
Marie Birch.
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