Holly stated, in a very sarcastic manner. "I was just coming to that! That
is one of the issues, that I need to raise, with you all! I am having a
bit
of a
problem, in re-initialising him!". Lister was suddenly very concerned,
with
regard to Holly's news about Rimmer. And, he suddenly, felt very guilty,
because of what he had done to Rimmer, via knocking him out, the way
that he had done, a few days ago! 'Oh God', he thought. 'What have I
done?' But he decided not to dwell on that, too much, for the time being,
anyhow. Lister asked Holly in a very panicky voice: "Why, wh-what's the
matter with him, then Holly?". Holly sighed, and said - "It definitely
looks
like,
his light bee, has taken a bit of a whack!". Holly gave Lister a look of
contempt.
But Lister thought that it was probably for the best, not to say anything,
in
the cir***stances, where this was concerned, unless Holly directly accused
him, of punching Rimmer! And Lister had got no intention, of admitting to
Holly,
that he had probably caused, some quite significant damage, to Rimmer's
light
bee, unless, he absolutely had to, anyhow!
But that said, Lister was deeply ashamed, of what he had done to Rimmer,
about
four days ago, and
he thought, that it was probably for the best, if he voiced his concerns,
to
her,
as he really did feel responsible, for what he had done, where that was
concerned!
"I am
really sorry to hear
about that, Holly. There isn't any permanent damage, done there, I hope!".
Lister
was vastly relieved, when Holly stated: "Not, that I can see, Dave.
Unfortunately
however,
it isn't quite, as simple, as all that. His light bee, seems different
somehow! There is definitely
something, that isn't registering right, there, where that is concerned,
in
my general opinion!".
Lister did his level best, to conceal a sigh of relief, that he was not
responsible, for any long term damage, to Rimmer's light bee, anyhow!
Even though, he had an idea, that Holly, wasn't entirely convinced of
that,
somehow! But he thought, that it was probably, for the best, if he did not
dwell, on that too much, for the time being, anyhow!
Holly carried on - "It is something, I just cannot fathom, for the life
of me,
Dave! And I really do feel, that I will need, the best part of
forty
eight hours, to explore,
and
resolve,
the problem, which will give you, plenty of time to catch up with your
beauty sleep!".
Holly was doing her level best, not to worry, too much, about the problem,
with Rimmer's light bee. But there was something, that was bugging her,
quite
badly, where this was concerned. She knew, that she would be able, to
resolve,
the problem, sooner or later. However, she knew, that she could have done,
with
a computer programmer (a human computer programmer, come to that!), who
specialised, in the Hologrammatic core programme, who could have helped
her,
work out, the very complex problem, which was blocking her, from
re-booting
Rimmer's hologrammatic life form, at this point, in time! Why, she was
that,
desperate, if she had to rely on a human mind! And Holly, knew that she
needed,
more time, to find out, what the Bloody HELL, was going on, where
bringing,
Rimmer back to life, was concerned. She was utterly flummoxed, with a
frustration,
she had never known, in all of her runtime! She had never had a problem,
where
restoring his hologrammatic personality, was concerned, before now!
Something was
seriously wrong, she thought. Fortunately however, Holly had soon worked
it
out, that
something was seriously wrong, where his core programme, was concerned,
which
was affecting, the start up process! She knew that much! And she knew,
deep
down,
she would be able, to resolve the problem, via her going over her memory
banks,
with
regard, to the Hologrammatic programmes history, from the twentieth
century,
to the
present day! Holly knew, that she would have to go back to that primitive
part,
of the Twentieth century, to the year 1947, when holograms, had been
invented,
by a Hungarian Scientist, called Denis Gabor, who had lived from 1900 to
1979.
Holly shuddered, when she thought, back to that period in time. 1947. Two
years
away, from the end of the Second World War, when Scientific progress, had
been,
delayed. And she was also fully aware of the evil experiments, that had
been
conducted,
by the Scientists, who had worked for Nazi Germany, at the Concentration
Camps, in
Germany and Poland. That was all the Scientific progress, that had been
made, along
with the development of the atomic bombs, that had ended, the Second World
War, in
Japan (I sincerely apologise, to any survivors, of the Holocaust, and any
survivors, of
the atomic bombs, in Hiro****ma and Nagasaki, Japan, who may happen, to
come
across,
this Fan Fiction, for causing any distress, where this is concerned! But I
am just trying to
point out, how, a computer, in the twenty third century, who is more, that
capable of
human thought, would deal, with those emotions, where that was concerned!
And, I have
also spoken to a Holocaust survivor, and a widow of a Holocaust survivor,
and I was
deeply distressed, and very angry, to find out, what they had been
through!
Marie Birch).
But for now, this was beyond, even her. And Holly refused, to voice her
fears, where
restoring, Rimmer's hologrammatic core programme, was concerned, to her
fellow Dwarfer's,
as she felt, that they had got enough, to worry about, for the moment!
Surprisingly however, Lister had a sudden thought, about Rimmer's light
bee,
which
would quite easily have explained, why Holly could not re-boot him. But he
could
not, for the life of him, think what it was, because he was so tired, at
that point, in time.
But he vowed, that he would definitely rack, his brains, after he had
caught
up, with his
sleep, to work out, just exactly, what was wrong with Rimmer's light bee,
and that, he
would definitely raise it, with Holly, as soon, as it was possible, for
him
to do so!
It was the very least, that he could do, in the cir***stances, anyhow!
However, little did Lister know, that it would be exactly forty eight
hours,
when he would find out, just exactly what, the problem, with Rimmer's
light bee, was! And that problem, with Rimmer's light bee, would be a huge
step backwards, for them, all! Well, to a certain extent, anyway!
In fact, the Cat and Kryten, were also feeling, a little bit worse, for
wear, to
say the very least! And, a rather anxious Kryten, suddenly made a very
wise
suggestion. They had also felt, that Rimmer's situation, could wait, when
all,
was said and done!
"I suggest that we begin the de-briefing, Holly?" Kryten suggested. Holly
continued
- "Very well gentlemen. I take it, that you may, have worked it out, that
Red Dwarf, was stolen by rogue simulants, just after you thought, that you
had originally
lost it?". Kryten's eyes, suddenly flickered with interest, and he stated
-
"Yes, we had a meeting, with regard, to that subject, in question, after I
had
brought Mr Lister, and the Cat, out of stasis, and I had re-booted, Mr
Rimmer's light bee, after just over, two hundred years".
For a very brief moment, Kryten wondered, if he may had done, something to
corrupt, Mr Rimmer's light bee, after he had re-booted him, on Starbug,
just
before the incident, with the Psiren's. However, he decided, not to dwell
too
much, on that, for the time being, especially as he only had, an hour and
forty
five minutes worth of re-charging time, and that, he would need that time,
to
be
de-briefed, where their present situation, was concerned, and find out,
just
exactly,
what their options, were, where that was concerned! But he realised, that
he
had had, just about enough, runtime left, to store the memory, of
re-booting,
Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, just before the incident, with the Psiren's. And,
Kryten
also stored the memory of processing his databanks, for any information,
which
would definitely inform him, where he had gone wrong, where re-booting, Mr
Rimmer, on Starbug, just before the incident, with the Psiren's, was
concerned,
for once and for all!
And therefore, he could quite easily, raise his doubts, with Holly, about
whether, he
was responsible, or not, with regard, to corrupting the start up
programme,
where
restoring, Mr Rimmer's hologrammatic presence, was concerned!
After Holly had mentioned, that fact, in question, Lister had shuddered,
and
he tried
very hard, not to think about, the evil Psiren's, that they had
encountered,
in the
asteroid belt, about four hundred and four years ago...
Lister recalled, that the evils Psiren's had very nearly sucked out, their
brains,
about four hundred and four years ago, and that, had definitely not been,
a
part
of the medi-game! Lister tried not to think too hard, to about the Psiren,
who had
appeared to him, as Pete Tranter's sister, whom he had lusted after,
throughout his
puberty! And she had been, a very attractive long blonde haired woman, who
had
looked like a cross, between Catwoman, and Barbarella, and Lister had
shared
a
long lingering kiss, with her. And unbeknownst to him, her concealed
appearance,
was a revolting, giant insectoid, which looked like, something out of the
film: Empire
of The Ants, which starred: Dynasty's Alexis Carrington (Joan Collins) (I
have seen:
Empire of The Ants! Well, it was a laugh, wasn't it?! As Holly, once
stated!
Marie Birch),
until Kryten came to his rescue, that is! But that was another lifetime,
ago...
Well, Lister, was really trying very hard, not to think, too much, about
Pete Tranter's
sister, even though, he was so tired! Well perhaps, he wasn't all that
tired,
after having to go, without ***, with a woman, for the best part of
three million, and four hundred and four years!
Lister also tried not to think, too much, about the two Psiren's, who had
appeared, on Starbug's monitor, as two beautiful Temptresses, sending out,
a distress message.
And they had, informed the Cat, and his fellow Dwarfer's, that they, were
in
desperate need of
male seed spreaders, for their colony, which was almost extinct, and that,
there were was, only women left! As a matter of fact, there was barely
three
thousand women, left, in the colony! And, one of the Temptresses had
begged the Boyz from the Dwarf, that if they were to survive, they needed
males, to spread their seed, among their numbers! And Lister remembered,
their final messages, to them all, as if it was yesterday!
"If we are to survive, we need males to spread their seed, among our
number!
We beg you! Make love to us!" said the First Temptress. "Make love to all
of
us! Please, we beseech you..." said the Second Temptress.
The Temptresses, had appeared, to the Boyz from the Dwarf, as very
scantily
clad women, in a harem, complete with cu****ons, and sweeping curtains.
Fortunately however, Rimmer, Lister and Kryten, thought that the
Temptresses
offer of unlimited ***, was a little bit too good, to be true!
Unfortunately
however, the Cat was a very different kettle of fish, where that was
concerned!
Lister tried not to think, too hard, where the long haired blonde Second
Temptress,
was concerned, who had appealed to him, a lot more, than the First
Temptress, had
done, because unbeknownst to Lister, there had been, a male ancestor of
his,
who had
been, a hapless and very unlucky Pirate, who had been known, as Josef
Butler.
In other words: Captain Butler! And that Captain Butler, in question, had
also
been, tempted ***ually, by a
Mermaid, who had been known, as Tracy, whose appearance, could be
compared,
to the blonde temptress Psiren, who had appeared, to Lister, on Starbug's
monitor,
and she
must have, been a descendant of Tracy, the Mermaid's! (Please do
not ask me, how this works! But from what I have gathered, Mermaids have
lured sailors,
onto the rocks, in the past, which is more or less, the same way, that the
Psiren's from
Greek Legend, operate, when all is said and done! Marie Birch)
Well, Lister, was really trying very hard, not to think, too much, about
the
Second long
haired blonde temptress Psiren, even though, he was so tired! Well
perhaps,
he wasn't all
that tired, after been, without a woman, for the best part of three
million,
and four hundred
and four years!
"Yes Holly" Kryten answered her, with his usual inquiring mind - "We
originally thought, that
Mr Lister, had parked it around, a little blue-green planetoid, which
usually, all look the
same! But as it turned out, we did not lose, Red Dwarf, after all! As it
turned
out, Red Dwarf was stolen.
By persons... or life forms unknown". he drifted off...
The Cat suddenly chimed in, in a very sleepy, and a very selfish, and a
rather,
unenthusiastic manner. In fact, he couldn't be bothered, which was usually
the
case, where he was concerned! "Why, who would want to, steal a gigantic
red trash can, with no brakes and three million years on the clock?!".
"Red
Dwarf was NEVER stolen! It hasn't moved from this planetoid, ever since,
you lot, insisted on, buggering off, to explore The SSS Esperanto!".
Kryten
nodded, to Holly's confirmation "We have already worked that out, Holly.
Ever
since we discovered, we were in that medi-game, all along, which I had
originally
set up, to save Mr Lister's life, if you recall?". Holly nodded. By now,
she
was
sick and tired, and utterly fed up, of remininicising, on the fact, that
her
fellow
Dwarfer's had been absent, for the best part of four hundred and four
years,
even though, they had been under her very nose, all along, thanks to
Kryten,
having to put them all into stasis, thanks to Lister, being in a coma, for
the
best part of four years, which had been
caused by
the severe shock, via the attack on them all, via their future selves, and
the severe
electrical storm, which had lasted, for the best part of four hundred
years.
And
Kryten, had had to put them all, into a medi-game, which had created, an
false alternative reality scenario, where Rimmer, had insisted, on being
turned into a parallel universe version, of Lister's former girlfriend,
Kristine
Kochanski, courtesy of her hologram disc, only she had got, Rimmer's
personality, all along!
And that, had been a real disaster, until Kochanski's hologram disc,
became
corrupted, and she was able to separate herself, from Rimmer, and she had
soon become her own person, once again. Only the Rimmer, that had been
created, for the version of the medi-game, where the Nanobots, had
resurrected
Red Dwarf, had made Rimmer appear, as a human, once again! A real live and
kicking version, of Rimmer! Or as Lister, had once stated, in the
medi-game -
"God, it's him, like he used to be! Ughhh!". And the medi-game had become
so corrupted, in the end, that the Boyz and former lady of the Dwarf, had
all
ended up, in Red Dwarf's Penal Colony: Floor Thirteen! And the medi-game,
had
originally been designed, to keep them all sane, in the meantime!
'And thanks to that medi-game, in question, they were all in a right
pickle, at this point, in time!' she thought, to herself.
Not to be deterred, by all of this doom, and gloom, however, which was
quite
obviously doing them any good, where their present situation, was
concerned,
Holly carried on -
"So, Red Dwarf has definitely been here, for all that time! But you were
partly right,
Kryten, the ****p was taken over, not by Rogue droids... But some very
evil Gelf's, of an unknown origin!".
"So, they did exist, after all! But I did think,
that for one awkward
moment, that they were figments of Mr Lister's imagination, made solid, by
some weird
space ray!". Kryten stated, in sheer triumph."And therefore, I was soon
proved
right, after all! The
im****tant thing is, after four hundred years and two years, of following
their vapour trail, we
have nailed them!". "What did you mean by that, then?". a rather confused
Lister asked him.
"As I originally stated, to you all, on Starbug sirs, is that, the evil
Gelf's, had
been forced,
to make a massive detour, to cir***navigate the asteroid belt, where we
had,
negotiated the
evil Psirens, four hundred and two years ago! But as it turned out,
however,
Starbug was small
enough, to negotiate, its way, directly through the middle of the belt.
And,
for the first time, in
four centuries, we finally had, the op****tunity to head them off, at the
pass, as it were, and recover
Holly, which we have finally done, at long last! Although, it took us, a
lot
longer, than we originally
thought, it would, have done, when it actually came down to it, at the end
of
the day!".
Holly looked at Kryten, as if he wasn't normal. "You can certainly say
that,
again mate! Oh, they existed, alright! As it turned out, they were
Genetically
Engineered Lifeforms, of some rather weird origin". Lister felt, a
shudder,
run
down his spine. He had a Godawful feeling, in his gut, that they were all
going
to make their acquaintance, where those very evil Gelf's, were concerned,
at some point, in the future! He could pretty much, see the writing, on
the
wall,
where that was concerned!
"I see. Have you got, any idea, of those evil Gelf's origins, Holly? Just
in
case, we
happen, to make, their acquaintance, in the near future?" he asked her.
"I am sorry Kryten, but I haven't got a clue, where their genetic origins,
were
concerned! They were not like, any of the Gelfs, or Simulants, that we
have
had, the pleasure, of coming across, in the past. In fact, I will tell you
this
much, I have never seen anything like those evil buggers, in all of my
existence!
It is beyond, even my memory banks, I am afraid! But I do have a feeling,
that
they may not hail, from our lifetime, and that, they may have hailed from,
a
century,
beyond our own...". she suddenly drifted off. "But believe you me, mate, I
reckon,
I could easily identify them, if they do decide, to come back, into our
lives! Well,
if there are any more, of the evil buggers about, that is!"she stated.
And, that was pretty much, an understatement! Holly thought. Holly tried
her
level best,
not to shudder, when she thought about the long horns, that had come out
of
those evil Gelf's heads, their piggy eyes and not to mention, their piggy
noses!
And there was also the question, of their long tails, and their cloven
feet,
and
not to mention, the corrupted form of Bastard English, that they had
spoken!
And not,
to mention, their foul disgusting language! In fact, the evil Gelf's
description,
could quite easily, be
compared, as a cross between devils, pigs, pixies, and the evil gremlins,
from
the Gremlim movies!
Now, that Holly really thought about it, they had also spoken, with a Gelf
dialect, that
she just could not make out, for the life of her, via all of the relevant
data,
in her memory banks! And, she knew, without a doubt, that those evil Gelf
Bastards
dialect, was definitely not, related to Gelf Kinitawowi dialect, anyhow!
Especially, as
the Kinitawowi Gelf tribe, were a peaceful Gelf tribe. And, she knew
without
a doubt,
that those evil Gelf's, who had briefly taken over, the ****p, two hundred
years ago,
were definitely not, of peaceful origins!
And Holly, was pretty certain, that she would definitely remember, those
evil Gelf Bastards,
if she ever made their acquaintance, again! However, there was something
else, that was
troubling her, especially, when she thought back, to the time, when she
had
first noticed them,
put in, an appearance, on her security monitors. Unfortunately however,
Holly, at this point, in
time, could just not recall, for the life of her, what was bothering her,
about those evil Gelf
Bastards, even though, she knew, that she would remember, what it was, in
good time!
Unfortunately however, little did Holly know, that by the time, that she
recalled, the very
im****tant
fact, that was bugging her, about those evil Gelf Bastards, would come
back
to her,
when it was more or less, far too late for her, and her fellow Dwarfer's,
even
though, it was absolutely crucial, where their very lives, and her very
existence, was concerned! But sometimes, it is never too late, to recall
the
things, that matter, in this life!
The Cat, Lister, and Kryten, could not, help noticing, Holly's scared tone
of
voice, and they could not control, the ****vers, that ran down, their
spines,
even though, she was doing her level best, to show them, how brave, she
was
been, where this was concerned!
Again, Kryten had a feeling, that there was something very familiar, about
the evil Gelf's description, and he had a feeling, that they might, hail,
from his
very own century, which was the twenty fifth century. And, he also
realised,
that he had had, just about enough, runtime left, to store the memory, of
raising the subject, with Holly, with regard, to him, having a feeling,
that
he
thought, that there was something very familiar, about the evil Gelf's
description,
and he had a feeling, that they might, hail, from his very own century,
which was
the twenty fifth century, as well, as raising, the subject, with Holly,
with
regard,
to his re-booting, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, just before the incident, with
the
Psiren's.
And therefore,
he could quite easily, raise his doubts, with Holly, about whether, he was
responsible, or not, with regard, to corrupting the start up programme,
where
restoring, Mr Rimmer's hologrammatic presence, was concerned!
And, as I had mentioned, just now, Kryten had stored, the memory of
processing his
databanks, for any information, which would definitely inform him, where
he
had gone
wrong, where re-booting, Mr Rimmer, on Starbug, just before the incident,
with the
Psiren's, was concerned, for once and for all!
And, Kryten had also stored, the memory of processing his databanks, for
any
information,
which would definitely inform him, of the evil Gelf's origins, via Holly's
description. And, he
had got, a very strong feeling, that those evil Gelf's, in question,
hailed
from his very own
century, which was the twenty fifth century!
And, Kryten, promised himself, that he would soon recall, those facts, in
question, for future reference. But, as he had only been recharged, via
his
maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, for the best part of an hour and
forty five
minutes, courtesy of Mr Lister, there wasn't a lot, that he could do,
about
that, for
the time being, anyhow!
Unfortunately however, little did, poor Kryten know, that by the time, he
found
the time, to process, the necessary information, about the evil Gelf's
origins, and
he had finally managed to raise the subject, with Holly, that those evil
Gelf's, in
question, had
actually hailed, from his
very own century! The twenty fifth century. And therefore, certain events
would
be destined, to conspire against him, raising the subject, with Holly, at
a
far more
convenient juncture! And that, he would finally get
around, to raising the subject, with her,
when it was, more or less, far too late for him, and his fellow Dwarfer's,
even
though, it was absolutely
crucial, where their very lives, and his very existence, was concerned!
But
sometimes, it is never
too late, to recall the things, that matter, in this life!
"Where are they now, Holly?" Kryten asked her. "Gone! For good, I 'ope!
They
came
on board the ****p, scavenging, about two hundred years ago. And that, was
mainly
for food. They ate
all of the spam, on Level Thirteen of the food supplies, and they got
totally pissed, via our
entire stock of Colt 45, which is no great loss, really! But I soon put a
stop
to that, before they virtually,
wiped out, all of our food supplies!". "And how did you do that, Holly?"
Lister asked her, with
curiosity. Well, there is a set of Cargo bay doors, by Level Thirteen,
isn't
there?". "You didn't?!".
Lister asked her, in a rather shocked tone of voice. However, Holly wasn't
too keen to show,
any remorse, where those evil Gelf Bastards, in question, were concerned.
'Something
wasn't right, about this...', thought Lister.
'It just wasn't like her, not to show any remorse, for wiping those evil
Gelf's off the face of
deep space! In fact, even the Cat was deeply shocked by Holly's desperate
actions, with regard, to her disposing of those evil Gelf's! And Kryten,
was
absolutely expressionless! Mind you, Kryten always tended to look
expressionless,
at the best of times! You could not deny that, when it actually came down
to
it, at
the end of the day! But in these very tense cir***stances, the shock, on
his
robotic
features, was even more noticeable, when it actually came down to it, a
the
end of the day!
However, Holly had had her reasons, for bumping those evil Gelf Bastards
off, I can well assure, all of you noble and dedicated Dwarfer's out
there!
And those had been very good reasons, I can tell you!
Especially, as Holly, had witnessed, via her security monitors, at the
time,
the
actions of what had
passed, for the evil Gelf Leader, who had taken, an extremely dedicated
and
mercenary inventory, of all of the weapons, in the Munitions stores! Even
the
most hardened
of human beings, who had committed, the most grevious of murders, known to
mankind (even Hannibal Lecter!), would
not have taken, such a merciless inventory of all of the weapons, in the
Dwarf's
Munitions stores, just like that!
But that had not been entirely, why Holly had decided, to wipe them out,
of
existence,
for once and all! No, she had not liked the evil Gelf's Leader's:
Adjutant's
extremely
dedicated and mercenary inventory, of the ****ps ****ographic material,
that
was still
lurking about, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall! Holly
had
had no objection,
to the Gelf Adjutant, having a look, at the Bookstores ****ographic
material, in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall, in general! She
did not begrudge anybody, from having a bit of titillation, and ***ual
fun,
as long as it was all
in good taste! After all, she/he had seen a great deal of High Class Space
Corps officials (who were not unlike Members of Parliament, or
Politicians,
the World over, who are a little bit hypocritical, where their morals, are
concerned,
these days! Well does anybody seriously think, that things, will change,
where the
Twenty Third Century, is concerned?! Human nature, will never change,
whatever
century, anyone hails from, I am afraid! And, I daresay, that the Cave
Elders,
who
used to be in charge,
when everybody, was living, in the Stone Age, used to look, at the *****c
drawings, in
the caves, if they could get away with it! I am pretty certain, that
*****c
drawings, did
exist, on the cave walls, during the Stone Age! After all, where there is
a
will, there is
always, a way, I can tell you!
Mind you, the way, that we are going, where
the Northern Rock and Credit Crunch crisis, is going, with the Treasury
having to fund
the Bank of England, with billions of pounds, we will be going back, to
living in caves, with the Cave Elders, in charge of the country,
in good time! And, as Education standards, just keep on, dropping! We
might
as well be,
living in caves, all over again, for all the good, that it is doing us! I
can see it coming!
As George Orwell quoted from 1984: Ignorance Is Strength! And it is
getting
to the
point, where I would be more than Happy, to live in a cave, where the Old
Labour
Party, is going! We couldn't be any more worse off, when it actually comes
down to
it, at the end of the day! And maybe, the Liberal Democrats may have a
chance of getting
in, if
we do have to go back, to living in caves, all over again! And I will
repeat
my message
of hope, with regard, to the Liberal Democrats moving in to 10, Downing
Street, one
day! They are the Party, that is going places! I refuse to give up hope,
where that is
concerned!), before the radiation incident, whose
****ps, had linked up, with the Dwarf, for official Space Corps business,
with Captain Hollister, from time to time, via her security monitors, and
that wasn't
due to security matters, on the Dwarf, either! It was just to have a bit
of
entertainment,
and a good laugh, at the time, really! Well, we all do it, if we can get
away with it, in
this life, if we can get away with it, when it actually comes down to it,
at
the end of the
day! And the high powered Space Corps Officials, would usually idly browse
their way,
through the odd adult fiction novel, and ****ographic magazine, in the
Bookstores,
in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall, and they usually thought, that they could
get away
with it, if they wore very dark sungl*****,
because they could usually explain, that they had got, severe problems,
where
their eyesight,
was concerned, and that they were having problems, locating the reading
material, that they
really wanted, which was usually: Controlling Pollution From Space
Vessels,
in The Solar
System And Beyond, I will quote, as an example, if they just happened, to
be
caught out, browsing the latest edition of the ****ographic magazine:
LITTLE RASCAL, for example! Fortunately however, the Space Corps
Officials,
who were a little bit hypocritical, were very rarely caught out, with
regard, to browsing
through, any ****ographic material, was concerned, in the Bookstores, in
the
Red Dwarf
Shopping Mall, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Which is usually
the way, isn't it?! But Holly always knew who they were, where that was
concerned! They
could not get away with it,
where she was concerned, when it actually came down to it, at the end of
the
day! Not,
that she ever did anything about it, that is! It was just a way of getting
away, from the boring
and tedious job, where running the ****p, when concerned, when it actually
came down to it,
at the end of the day!
No, it was the evil and heartless way, that the evil Gelf Leader's:
Adjutant,
had soaked up, every single piece of ****ographic information, via the
****ographic material, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall,
especially where studying the specialised section, where extreme ***ual
torture,
was concerned, via the ****ographic material, in the Bookstores, in the
Red
Dwarf Shopping Mall, that had deeply disturbed her, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! Especially the way, that the evil Gelf
Leader's:
Adjutant, had studied it all, so intently, and with such devotion, that
had
had her
rather worried, when all was said and done!
In the end, however, it wasn't the evil and heartless way, that the evil
Gelf Leader's:
Adjutant, had soaked up, every single piece of ****ographic information,
via
the
****ographic material, in the Bookstores, in the Red Dwarf Shopping Mall,
that
had finally clinched it for her, where the evil Gelf's demise, was
concerned! No,
what had been the deciding factor, where bumping off, those evil Gelf
Bastards,
was concerned, was because the evil Gelf Leaders: Adjutant, had decided,
to
take it,
upon himself, to ransack, the dead crew members belongings, especially
with
regard,
to the ****ographic material, that they had acc***ulated, when they had
been
in
residence, on the Dwarf, before the radiation incident, was concerned!
Which meant,
that evil Gelf Leaders: Adjutant, would have had, more than enough
knowledge,
of every ***ual
perversion, under the Sun, which would definitely, have made him, a very
dangerous
proposition, to have around, in the foreseeable future! And, she shuddered
to think,
what he would have made, of Rimmer's highly prized collection of his
inflatable Dolls:
Ingrid and Rachel! And that, would have been very a dangerous situation,
where her
fellow Dwarfer's, were concerned, when they eventually, came to board the
****p, once
again! And even, if the evil Gelf Bastards, had taken it upon themselves,
to
leave the ****p,
with their collection of ammunition, and ****ographic material, Holly
reasoned, that they
would have been a terrible threat, to every peace loving Gelf, and
Simulant
that was still
alive, in the Universe! And there was always the possibility, of there
been,
more humans,
like Lister about (well not quite like, Lister! No normal human being,
could
be like Lister, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!),
even
though, Holly had seriously doubted that! But
one never knew... And Holly had felt, that she was doing the right thing,
by
bumping those
evil Buggers, off, while she had got the chance!
Unfortunately however, little did, Holly know, that they would all pay,
for
her thoughtful actions, in time, where wiping out, those evil Gelf's, were
concerned...
However, Holly decided not, to let her fellow Dwarfer's know, what had
finally clinched it for her, with regard, to bumping those evil Gelf's
off,
was
concerned! She felt, that some things, were best left,
unsaid, and that Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, and even the Cat, might
eventually,
work it all
out, in good time!
And she vowed, to herself, that if they didn't eventually work it all out,
she
would tell them all, the whole truth, with regard to bumping those evil
Gelf's
off, one day, for once and for all! But she really didn't think, that it
was
a
very nice subject, to raise with them all, at a quarter to ten, in the
morning,
anyhow! And, at that point, in time, she was extremely anxious, to get
started,
where their course, back to Earth, was concerned. And, as they were going,
to
be slowed down, enough, as it was, with regard, to getting out, of that
current
area of deep space, in question, was concerned, the last very thing, that
she
wanted to create, was a panic, via informing, her fellow Dwarfer's, of her
true
intentions, of just exactly why, she had wiped out, those evil Gelf
Bastards,
at this point, in time! And Lister, desperately needed to catch up, with
his
sleep!
And, what was more, he did not have Rimmer,
to back him up, for the time being! Not, that she would have wanted
Rimmer,
disturbing Lister's sleep, anyhow! Why, the poor Cat was absolutely
jiggered, by now! And Kryten, also desperately needed ten more hours, of
recharging time, via his maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, which
would
truly
benefit him, and enable him, to be of any real
use, where offering his sup****t, to Lister, and the others, were
concerned!
And if
any of relatives of those evil Gelf's decided, that they wanted, their
revenge, at some
point, in time, Lister and company, would be, in no fit state, whatsoever,
to take them on! But Holly seriously doubted, that would happen, and she
had
a feeling, that she may have wiped, nearly all, of the evil Gelf buggers
out,
for once
and for all! But that said, she wasn't going to take any chances, where
that
was
concerned, if she could help it! And she wanted a sense of morale, on
board
the ****p,
for the time being, especially where setting underway, on their journey,
to
Earth, was
concerned, once again!
And not only that, she wanted, to instill a sense of order and routine,
back
on the ****p,
before she started letting on, about the evil Gelf's general day to day
hobbies, to
her fellow Dwarfers! But she promised herself, that she would definitely
inform,
her fellow Dwarfer's about the situation, when she felt that the time, was
right!
Unfortunately however, Holly never did, inform her fellow Dwarfer's, about
the
evil Gelf's sadistic tendencies, until it was almost too late, to save
their
lives! And
therefore, certain events would
be destined, to conspire against her, raising the subject, with her fellow
Dwarfer's, where that was concerned, at a far more
convenient juncture! And that, she would finally get
around, to raising the subject, with her fellow Dwarfer's,
when it was, more or less, far too late for her, and her fellow Dwarfer's,
even
though, it was absolutely
crucial, where saving their very lives, and her very existence, was
concerned! But
sometimes, it is never
too late, to recall the things, that matter, in this life!
Holly ignored Lister's shocked tone of voice, and she stated - "Yep, I
opened the Cargo bay
doors, and I flushed the evil Gelf buggers, out into deep space! And to
make sure,
that nobody could come, for revenge, via the evil Gelf's ****p, I turned
off,
the Dwarf's oxygen and electrical supplies, for the best part of two
hundred
years! The Cargo bay has got, its own stasis ****eld units, where the food
supplies,
are concerned. So, no worries there! And, I have got an independent
computerised life sup****t system, which is totally free of the Dwarf's
life
sup****t
systems!". "And what happened, after that?" the Cat suddenly
interjected.
"Well, the remainder of the evil Gelf Bastards, just skeddadled, in their
****p, not
long, after I had bumped off, those evil Gelf Bastards, via the Cargo Bay
doors,
on Level Thirteen. But that said, I thought, that it was, in everybody's
best interests,
for me, to lie low, via my turning off, the ****ps oxygen and electrical
supplies, for the
best part of two hundred years, when all was said and done! And so far,
they
have
been gawn, for the best part of two hundred years!". Holly confidently
informed her
fellow Dwarfer's.
Lister had a very bad sense of foreboding, where this was concerned! And
he
felt, that she was definitely missing something out, where that was
concerned!
But he decided, not to voice his fears, for the time being. And besides,
he
was
a little bit too tired, by then, to really care and worry!
And by the time, that Lister, was in a fit state, to raise the matter,
with
Holly, and she had
eventually informed, her fellow Dwarfer's, about the evil Gelf's sadistic
tendencies, she
would have reached the point, when it would be, almost too late, to save
their lives!
And therefore, certain events would be destined, to conspire against her,
raising the subject,
with her fellow Dwarfer's, where that was concerned, at a far more
convenient juncture! And
that, she would finally get around, to raising the subject, with her
fellow
Dwarfer's, when it was,
more or less, far too late for her, and her fellow Dwarfer's, even though,
it was absolutely crucial,
where saving their very lives, and her very existence, was concerned! But
sometimes, it is never
too late, to recall the things, that matter, in this life!
Lister suddenly stated - "Well, we had better get the HELL out of here
then,
before any of their
relatives, of those evil s***bags, get their smeg back together, and
prepare, for a little thing, like
a revenge attack!". Holly suddenly interruped - "In a minute, Dave! Don't
be
so impatient! I have
got a few things, to go over with you, all, where our course, to Earth, is
concerned! And besides,
it isn't as simple, as all that! I am afraid, that we cannot just clear
out,
of this area of deep space,
just like that!" "And, why not?!" the Boyz from the Dwarf, stated, in
unison. "I am afraid, that I have
got, some good news, and some bad news!".
And now, that Lister has met up, with a very disorientated Kryten, and an
utterly shattered Cat, who are now, fully aware, of what has happened,
where
Rimmer's exact whereabouts, are concerned. Will Holly be able to resolve,
the
problem, that is affecting his light bee, where restoring him, is
concerned,
over
the next forty eight hours? The question is, Does Holly, even want to
restore him?! And who can blame her, for having her doubts, where that is
concerned?!
And now, that a completely knackered up, Lister an utterly shattered Cat,
and a very disorientated Kryten, who by now, are fully aware, of the fact,
that
there have been evil Gelf's, of unknown origins, in residence, on the
Dwarf, for the best part of two hundred years, will they have, the
complete
and
utter misfortune, to
encounter those evil Gelf's, in question, before they can even set off,
where their route,
to Earth, is concerned?! They couldn't be, that unlucky, could they?!
And just exactly what, is the good news and bad news, that Holly has
now got, for the Boyz from the Dwarf, with regard, to their present
situation,
on the Dwarf, where their route, back to Earth, is concerned?!
And will Lister be able, to give poor Kryten, the re-charging time of ten
hours,
via his maxi-recharging unit, in his quarters, that is absolutely
essential,
to enable
him, to perform his duties, adequately and sufficiently enough, on the
Dwarf, one
hundred percent, before the Cat gets his hands, on him, to clean his
Sleeping quarters out, before he can get around, to getting the Skutters,
to do all, of the repairs, that are absolutely necessary, to the roof, of
the
corridor, and clean up, the corridor, by Rimmer and Lister's Sleeping
quarters, and cleaning out, Rimmer and Lister's Sleeping quarters?
And now, that we have discovered, that our perky pal, Talkie Toaster, has
finally stopped functioning, after keeping Holly company, for the best
part
of four hundred and two years, will Kryten, ever be able to repair him,
after
he is up and running, again?! Or do we really want, Talkie Toaster, up and
running again, especially if he is going, to make constant demands, of the
Boyz of the Dwarf, to eat, a lot of bread related products, in the near
future?!
And will Lister, ever get a good nights sleep, and not come to blows, with
the Cat, before they set off, for Earth, once again?!
And exactly, just what, is the significance, of the long silver space
****p,
especially, where the radio signal, and those two large silver coffins,
are concerned?!
Find out all this and more, in the next exciting instalment of:
The Alternative Red Dwarf!
My new version of the Alternative Red Dwarf, which is actually set, on the
Dwarf, is now available, for viewing, or downloading, at:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mainaltreddwarf.htm
If you would like to go directly on to my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, the
web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/xanadureddwarf.htm
Now available on my Xanadu Red Dwarf Website.
A review of Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton
Studios of the 4th of December 1998!
Some new Red Dwarf links on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Links
Website, which includes links to:
Red Dwarf: The Official Website.
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (UK, Eire and Europe).
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club Website (U.S.A, Australia
and New Zealand).
The Craig Charles Funk and Soul MySpace Website.
The Unofficial Craig Charles Website.
The Unofficial Captain Butler Website.
The Danny John-Jules MySpace Website
The BBC CBBC MI High Website
The BBC CBeebies Story Makers Website
The Hideout (A Maid Marian and Her Merry Men Website)
Kryten's Homepage.
The Unofficial Chloe Annett and The Unofficial Clare Grogan Websites.
The Unofficial Emile Charles Website.
The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Group and The Inquisitor Red Dwarf
Website.
The Josie Pargery Group - Red Dwarf-Fan Fiction.
And on the Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, itself, are:
Future Red Dwarf Projects.
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Favourite Episode Guide
has recently, been updated!
The Xanadu Red Dwarf Fact File Website.
A review of the film: Xanadu, and the lyrics for the
theme song: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John!
A review of the Red Dwarf VII Extended episodes:
Tikka To Ride/Ouroboros/Duct Soup/Possible
unedited material for Red Dwarf VII, plus a review
of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Tenth Anniversary
Smeg Ups/Universe Challenge and The Children In
Need sketch.
The Explanation For The Time Drive in Trans****ting
The Red Dwarf Posse Back To Earth in Tikka To Ride:
(Episode I, Red Dwarf VII), as well as, The Heady
Medieval Atmosphere of 15th Century Space!
A review of the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Back
In The Red I to III!
Recently added to Xanadu: A Review of Red Dwarf VII
by Marie Birch and Kevin Blake, and An Additional Review
of Red Dwarf VII by Marie Birch!
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial Craig
Charles Website, the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/craigcharles.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Craig Charles Website:
A link has been set up for Suzanne Rhatigan's (Kochanski
Camille) Website.
A Craig Charles Career Profile.
For those of you, who are interested, in my Unofficial
Captain Butler Website, the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/captainbutler.htm
Recently added to the Unofficial Captain Butler
Website:
A link has been set up, for the Captain Pugwash
Website/The Captain Butler Maritime and
Non-Maritime Incidents Website, informs you, all about,
The Mary Celeste Mystery and just exactly, how old,
Admiral Horatio Nelson, was, when he lost his arm!
The Captain Butler Good and Evil Pirates Website,
informs you, about, all, that you need to know, about,
Blackbeard, and the renowned legitimate Pirate:
Sir Francis Drake!
And my Captain Butler Fan Fiction: On The Good****p
Lady Captain has been updated!
For those of you, who are interested, in finding out more,
about the late actor: Barry Evans, who starred, in the
Doctor series, and Mind Your Language, and not to mention,
the films: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush, Die
Screaming Marianne, The Adventures of a Taxi Driver,
and Under The Doctor. And Barry also appeared, alongside,
Dick Emery, in the 1981 BBC Comedy series: Emery:
A Legacy of Murder. Then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/barryevans.htm
For those of you who are interested in the Doctor series,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/doctorseries.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of the Doctor series: Why Do You Want To
Be A Doctor?
For those of you who are interested in Mind Your Language,
the web reference is:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/mindyourlanguage.htm
I am also in the process of working on a review of the very
first episode of Mind Your Language: The First Lesson.
With regard to these reviews, they are incomplete, due to time
constraints, but they are available, for viewing or downloading,
via the appropriate websites, above, and they will always be,
permanently available, for this purpose. And when, they are
complete, it will be my intention, to notify, the various newsgroups,
to whom, they have been posted to, but sincere apologies, for any
delays, caused, anyway, and my thanks, go to all, on alt.comedy.british
who are interested, in my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your
Language Website's, in the meantime, anyway! And, it is always nice
to know, that there is more, than enough interest, to make it more, than
worth my while, to keep, those websites going, thank you!
However, I am intending, to do brief plot summaries, of all of the Doctor
series episodes and Mind Your Language episodes, when, I next work,
on my Barry Evans/Doctor series and Mind Your Language Websites, as
the reviews, that I am doing, of each episode, are very in-depth, indeed,
and they may, take up, a lot of webspace, in the meantime. And it is
probably, for the best, if I set up, episode Summary websites, in the
meantime, which will be, considerably shorter anyway, and for all fans, of
the Doctor series, and Mind Your Language series, then at the very least,
I have always, got something, that, will give them, something, to keep
them going, for quite, a long time!
I will also, put up, a short independent notice, for this purpose, as
soon,
as it is possible, for me, to do so, anyway, especially, as I do get, a
lot
of enquiries, via email, in general, via the Doctor series and Mind Your
Language series, from all over, the world!
More recently, on my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website, you may be interested, to know, that, there are also links
set up, for The Men From The Ministry Website, and a Maid Marian and
Her Merry Men Website (but there isn't very much, on the Maid Marian and
Her Merry Men Website, apart, from the series episode list, and we have
still got, to set up, a counter status, and a Plot Summary Episode List
Website,
and a picture of Maid Marian and Her Merry Men, but at the very least,
there
is now a website, for the series, at long last!)
And for those of you who are interested in my Maid Marian and Her Merry
Men website, then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/maidmarianandhermerrymen
But for those of you who are interested in Lynne Guy's General Information
and Classic British Comedy Website, then please go to:
http://www.zen114216.zen.co.uk/lynnes.htm
On my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British Comedy Website,
you will find links set up for:
Our Astronomy Website.
The College Of Adult Education in Wolverhampton Website.
The I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again Website.
The Cats Protection League Headquarters Website.
Wildlife Park Kirkcudbright Website.
Kevin Blake's: Puzlebox Hobbies and Puzzlebox Business Websites.
The Official Website Of The British Monarchy.
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website, you can find a web page, which informs you all about me:
Marie Birch!
Recently added, to my Lynne Guy's General Information and Classic British
Comedy Website.
A message of sympathy for the families of the victims and the
firefighters,
who lost their lives, via the attacks, on The World Trade Centre and The
Pentagon, in the United States of America.
That's All For Now, Folks!
Marie Birch.
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