Version: 0.4.1 (+/- 250) Fri Jun 14 15:07:42 CDT 2002
Second public revision
The alt.folklore.urban FAQ
The alt.folklore.urban FAQ is a work in progress and is being modified
as you read this. Please stay tuned for further improvements.
You can find a Web version of this FAQ with lots more commentary,
cites and references at:
<http://www.tafkac.org/faq2k>
TABLE OF CONTENTS TO THIS AND THE OTHER PARTS OF THE FAQ LIST
Part 1 - Urban legends sections:
- The Misappliance Of Science
- The 'Plane Truth (What Goes Up...)
- Does Not Compute
- Mad Medicine
- Stupid People Tricks
PART 2 - Urban legends sections:
- Stupid Academia Tricks
- What's In A Word?
- Reefer Madness
- How Firm Is Your Foundation?
- Kill Your Television!
- Astoni****ng Antipodean Antics
- Lewd Food
- Snuff Movies
PART 3 - Urban legends sections:
- Upstanding Legends Of The ***** And Scrotum
- Hide The Salami
- Disney Dementia
- Question Authority (And Other Conspiracies)
- Legal Beagles
- Wild Life In The Fast Lane
PART 4 - Urban legends sections:
- Astounding Avian Anomalies
- Doggie-Style and Catty-Wumpuss
- Other Animal (But Non-Buggy) Crackers
- Arthropod Crackers
- Urban Angst
- Take Me To Your Leader
- Dead Horses
AFU Legend Taxonomy
Legends are more complicated than can be adequately described by True,
False, or Unknown. There are shades of meaning that get left out, so
that quite often these simple descriptions are an ill fit. More
descriptive power is required, and after much learned debate and
profanity, the old system of T, F, U, etc, was replaced with the
following:
True (formerly T): True according to the laws of nature as currently
understood. Soldiers break step when marching across bridges, because
the marching frequency can resonate with the bridge and cause damage
or collapse.
Do***ented (formerly T): True according to evidence. It is true that
you must have a permit to own a gerbil in California, and this is
proved by reading the California Code of Regulations.
In Dispute (formerly U): Credible evidence exists on both sides of the
argument. The Baby Ruth bar very likely was named after Babe Ruth, as
his estate contends, yet the Curtiss Candy Company strongly denies it,
and has won judicial decisions on the issue. Until unimpeachable
evidence surfaces, it will remain In Dispute.
Unknown (formerly U): No evidence exists, with nothing to sup****t
either truth or falsehood. The pot smoker pulled over by the cop for
going 5 mph is a common joke, and while no evidence has yet surfaced
to sup****t it, it is not so extraordinary that it defies imagination.
It is mundane enough to have happened, and unremarkable enough to
escape special notation.
Unknowable (formerly U): No evidence exists, and no evidence can ever
possibly exist. No two snowflakes are alike is an Unknowable theory.
Debunked (formerly F): False according to evidence. Anti-racism
advocates sometimes tell the ironic story that African-American
Dr. Charles Drew, a pioneer of blood transfusions, died because the
racist hospital refused him the treatment he helped create. Friends
of Dr Drew who witnessed the scene deny this accusation.
Impossible (formerly F): False according to the laws of nature as
currently understood. If you wear contact lenses, the myth that
they'll fuse to your eyeballs if you look at the arc unprotected is
impossible: there is no process that could conceivably cause this.
Copycat (formerly Ft): A true occurrence of something in imitation of a
preexisting legend. Poisoned Halloween candy has long been a common
legend which lacked all evidence for years, but has fairly recently
inspired people to use this legend to attempt murder.
Astounding Avian Anomalies
F: Birds cannot sing while on the ground.
Tb: Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp
seed sprouting
T: Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other
small mammals.
T: Chickens are easily mesmerized. Whoopee.
F: Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it
flying away.
T: If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could
grab it.
F: Seagulls (and other creatures) explode when you feed them
Alka-Seltzer, rice, or "pop-rocks" - dried coconuts?.["The Death of
Little Mikey" in TCD].
F: Birds won't sit on their nests if you touch one of their eggs.
F: The resonance frequency of a chicken's skull cavity is ~7 Hz.
Tb: Some birds get drunk by eating partly fermented berries/fruits.
Doggie-Style and Catty-Wumpuss
F: Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals whose urine contain
urea.
Tb: Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals who cannot break down
uric acid into its soluble form, "allantoin."
T: Some animal shelters have prohibited the adoption of cats during
Halloween to avoid cruelty by "Satanists."
Other Animal (But Non-Buggy) Crackers
In Dispute: Dog shows up at owner's feet with the neighbor's pet
rabbit dead in its mouth. The frantic dogowner washes up the rabbit
and sneaks it back into its cage, hoping the neighbors will think it
died of natural causes. Neighbors are horrified to find that their
rabbit, which had just died and been buried, has reappeared in its
cage.
In Dispute: Fox (or other animal) frees itself of fleas by immersing
itself gradually in water; the fleeing fleas congregate at the last
point above the waterline, and are either drowned or induced to
retreat to something not a part of the animal's body (which the
animal then releases or swims away from, leaving the fleas behind).
In Dispute: Driver hits a wild animal; decides to dress up its body
in his/her own coat, or with some accessory (often a Gucci handbag),
for a silly photo. The animal recovers and runs away, still wearing
the coat.
In Dispute: Hunter shoots a deer, stands it up, balances his rifle
in/on its antlers, and poses for a photo with it. The deer recovers
its senses and runs off with the rifle.
True: Armadillos can contract leprosy.
In Dispute: Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
In Dispute: Cow-tipping (pu****ng over a sleeping cow) has happened.
True: Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city
kids.
Do***ented: The South American candiru, a small catfish, will swim
into the human urethra and spike itself in place.
Do***ented: Fainting goats exist.
Do***ented: Dancing (or spinning) mice exist.
Debunked: Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their
tails.
Do***ented: Guinea pigs have tails.
In Dispute: Horse (or cow) falls through bottom of moving trailer;
unknowing driver keeps going, grinding the animal's legs to stumps
on the road below.
In Dispute: Sea otter, newly released after $50K Exxon Valdez (or
other oil spill) clean-up, is immediately eaten by an orca (killer
whale).
Do***ented: Rats cannot vomit.
Debunked: There are alligators inhabiting the sewers of New York
City.
Do***ented: Alligators were once found in the sewers of New York
City.
True: Sewer rats or other animals can come into the house and bite
one's behind while on the potty.
True: Litter from released balloons can choke and kill wildlife
(especially marine animals).
Debunked: [Domesticated] turkeys are so dumb, they'll drown if
they're out in the rain.
In Dispute: Trapper ties dynamite to a coyote and releases it; the
coyote runs under his car/house.
Tb: In WW2, Russians fed dogs under tanks, then released them in
battle with anti-tank explosives having an antenna-like trigger on
their backs. Dogs ran under wrong ones, German tanks didn't smell
like Russian tanks. Most Russian tanks were diesel, most German ones
weren't. German high command counters by spreading rabies rumors,
encouraging soldiers to shoot every dog they see.
Debunked: Tourist returns from Mexico with a new dog, a little
Chihuahua-like thing. It turns out to be a rat.
In Dispute: Baby elephant escapes from circus; sits on a Volkswagen
Beetle, denting it badly. The police later stop the car's owner and
want to know what caused the dents; not believing the explanation,
they assume the car was in an unre****ted accident and hilarity
ensues.
Debunked: A s**** (usually venomous) is accidentally sewn into a
coat (usually foreign-made), and bites a customer trying on the coat
in a store.
Do***ented: Certain tribes of Japanese macaques learned to wash
their food in the sea.
In Dispute: The University of Toronto had a research subject called
"Mabel, the Swimming Wonder Monkey", who breathed through a
regulator while swimming and was monitored by a computer (to study
the effects of different gas mixtures); she died when a
field-service engineer interfered with her hardware.
Do***ented: Rat(s) eat face of child while child is near adult in
poor side of town. (TBR)
Do***ented: People have been killed by large constricting s****s
(not boa constrictors, though).
Impossible: Cowboy dies of a sudden, unexplained affliction. Son
inherits his boots; the first time he puts them on (years later), he
drops dead. Investigation reveals a rattles**** fang penetrating the
sole of the boot; the s**** bit and killed the father, its fang
broke off in the boot, and later when the son put the boot on the
fang "bit" him too, killing him.
True: Dead rattles****s can bite.
Debunked: Electric shock (taser, stun-gun, car battery) neutralizes
s**** venom.
Impossible: Cats and rabbits hybridize to produce "cabbits".
Do***ented: Some species do hybridize and even produce fertile
offspring.
Debunked: Child playing in the ball pit at a fast-food restaurant
discovers a nest of venomous s****s and is badly bitten.
Do***ented: Child falls into gorilla enclosure at the zoo and is
injured; instead of harming it the gorilla stands guard until the
child is rescued.
In Dispute: Mrs. O'Leary's cow started the great Chicago fire of
1871.
Do***ented: Frogs, fish, and other critters (usually aquatic)
occasionally fall in numbers from the sky.
Unknown: Old/ditzy woman puts dog in microwave to dry it out- it
dies gruesome death/lives to bark again.
Do***ented: Cruel people and other weirdos will microwave pets. This
is not a surprise.
Debunked: A Doberman chokes on fingers that it bit off burglar
hidden in closet.
Debunked: Plastic/glass water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating
in the area. ["Lawn Order in New Zealand (and elsewhere)" in CBA]
Debunked: The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos
is regulated.
Do***ented: Cats can carry a parasite (toxoplasmosis) which is
especially dangerous to fetuses.
Do***ented: Aspirin is very bad for cats (slow removal of salicyates
from their bodies).
Tb: Dog gets shock from phone line, urinates, phone rings!
Debunked: Woman's cat dies. She puts it in a shopping bag/box to
take it to the country for burial. On the way, she stops at a store
and puts the bag down. She turns around and bag is shoplifted.
F: Cat steals some dinner, turns up dead, guests' stomachs pumped;
but cat had been run over by neighbor and posed, so as not to ruin
dinner party.
Debunked: Firemen rescue old lady's cat from tree. She invites them
for tea. They run over cat when they leave.
Debunked: Evil researchers drop cats out of highrises to see how
they fall.
Do***ented: Cats land on their feet, except when falling from a
great height, when they "parachute" instead; this means they can
survive a very long fall.
Do***ented: The same is apparently not true for dogs.
Arthropod Crackers
T: Really big insects (s****s too) can get im****ted along with fruit
****pments.
F: Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before
eating.
F: Dragonflies ("darning needles") can sting you very severely.
T: Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough
to pinch.
F: If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good
luck.
T: "Killer" African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
T: A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast
food snacks.
T: Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup
or food.
T: Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat
their way out. Variation: Woman gets bitten, after insects out, she
dies/has breakdown/watches Oprah. ["The Spider Bite" in TMP]
F: Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of
scorpions/spiders. ["Spiders in the Yucca" in TMP]
F: Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth
on way... [Various ULs of this type under "A Bug in the Ear" in CBA]
F: A woman w/beehive hairdo is so proud of it she doesn't wash her
hair; she dies from bees/spiders in it. [Variations on bug and
ethnicity also noted.] ["The Spider in the Hairdo" in TVH]
Fb: Lobsters, dropped in boiling water, scream.(Nah, it's steam from
under shell)
Fb: Moth/butterfly scales from wings will poison or blind you.
Fb: There are US state laws making it illegal to kill/capture
praying mantises.
T: The bite of the Brown Recluse spider is nasty.
Urban Angst
In Dispute: There are several email warnings circulating about HIV
infected needles being left about with the deliberate intent of
infecting other people. Coin return slots, cinema seats and
children's' ball pits all have been mentioned. The ball pit variant
also has contained the detail of a heroin-filled syringe.
Debunked: Thugs hide under cars in malls and cut ankles of women
returning to cars.
Debunked: Guy visiting the Big City wakes up in a bathtub full of
ice and in pain--a kidney has been stolen from him!
Debunked: Several suburban white women visit the big city. They
nervously enter elevator which has a black man and a dog. He says
"Sit Lady!" The women promptly sit on the floor, but the man was
talking to the dog, who is named "Lady."
Copycat: A couple stays in odoriferous hotel room in the Big City
(usually Las Vegas, but other cities are often substituted). The
next morning they complain about the smell. Following up on the
complaint, housekeeping checks the room, only to find a decaying
corpse in the mattress.
Copycat: As part of initiation, potential gang members drive around
with headlights off at night and will shoot people who signal that
their lights are off by fla****ng headlights at them.
Debunked: Urban youths immolate unwary drivers by tossing firebombs
through open car windows.
Debunked: Envelopes from the "Klingerman Foundation" are mailed to
people in the US seemingly at random. Envelopes contain a deadly
virus.
Debunked: A new date-rape drug called "Progesterex" is used in
combination with Rohypnol to permanently sterilize women.
Debunked: Code Adam
Debunked: Hairy Armed Hitchhiker
F: Thugs hide under cars in malls and cut ankles of women returning
to cars. [See "The Slasher Under the Car" in TBT.]
Tb: Rat(s) eat face of child while child is near adult in poor side
of town.
Take Me To Your Leader
Debunked: ****p captains, on their own authority, can perform
marriages.
Unknown: Guy dodges draft by eating peanut butter/hotdog from rectum
in front of MD.
Debunked: US Navy aircraft carrier engages in radio exchange to tell
other party to move to avoid collision. Other party was a
lighthouse!
Debunked: Story involving a page or an elevator operator telling US
Rep. Fred "Love Boat" Grandy "Lido Deck, sir?" or "Promenade Deck,
sir?" subsequently being fired.
Debunked: Mary Baker Eddy (Christian Science) was buried w/a phone
so she could [call] her followers from "The Other Side."
Debunked: Govt cabbage price memo lots longer than
var. patriotic/religious do***ents. ["The Price of Cabbage Memo"
under "Government Legends" in TCD.]
Debunked: Queen Victoria so loved Alice in Wonderland she requested
copies of all Lewis Carroll's books. Was ticked with copy of
Symbolic Logic.
Debunked: Adolf Hitler intentionally snubbed Jesse Owens by refusing
to shake hands with him in the 1936 Olympics.
Unknowable: You can tell if a big op. is happening at US gov't by
level of pizza orders.
Do***ented: There were (are?) Japanese soldiers hiding out on isles
in Pacific who believed WWII was still on.
Do***ented: Thomas Jefferson made whoopee with his slave Sally
Hemings.
In Dispute: Germans build a fake airfield; British bomber drops a
fake bomb on it.
Debunked: One mile in five is straight on American interstate
highways to provide emergency airstrips in the event of war.
Do***ented: Highways in other countries (like Sweden, Switzerland,
Finland and Singa****e) are sometimes used as military airstrips.
Debunked: Winston Churchill's dad saves a young Alexander Fleming
and pays his way through med school. Fleming returns the favor by
discovering penicillin and saving Winston Churchill from a life
threatening infection.
Debunked: Plane flies by beach, ten thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching the plane go by. Plane flies back, penguins
turn their heads in the opposite direction. Plane flies directly over
penguins, heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over
gently onto their backs.
Do***ented: Jane Fonda visited North Vietnam during the late
unpleasantness.
Debunked: Jane Fonda ratted out American POWs during her visit.
Do***ented: Polish cavalry charged German tanks during World War II.
Debunked: Falling cow sinks fi****ng ****p.
Debunked: Raised hooves on equestrian statues indicates the rider's
fate.
Debunked: Mr. Fred Rogers was a sniper during one of the US police
actions of the 20th century.
Unknown: He wears that cardigan to cover up the tattoos.
Debunked: Police clock low-flying military plane that breaks their
radar, complain to authorities, told that plane was going to launch
missile at them.
Dead Horses
Debunked: POSH is an acronym for "****t Out, Starboard Home."
True: "Three-sided" vinyl records exist. There were two spiral
grooves on one side of the vinyl platter. In the mid-70s this was
considered rilly kool.
True: There are several "multi-sided" vinyl recordings.
True: Anything to do with "Star Trek" is off-topic for AFU.
In Dispute: Uhura and Kirk had the first television inter-racial
kiss. But they were being mind-controlled by aliens.
T: Cow tipping.
T: Anything by that forgettable pulp author, Kurt Vonnegut.
Debunked: Kurt Vonnegut made a commencement speech at MIT in 1997
which later became a pop song "Wear Sunscreen".
Unknown: There is no truth to the rumor that James "T." Kirk's
middle name is Terry.
Unknowable: Jamie Lee Curtis is claimed to have a constellation of
physical signs associated with Testicular Feminization
Syndrome/Androgen Insensitive Syndrome (and also with being a normal
female). People who can't possibly really know, claim that their
eyeball exam is enough to prove that she has this very rare
condition.
T: There're lots of stupid sounding names. I don't need to hear any
more of 'em.
U: Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.
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