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STOCKHOLM (Rueters) -- The
Nobel Foundation announced today
that the 2008 Nobel Prize for Science
has been awarded to Ed Conrad,
the man who kicked evolution in the
testicles.
The prestigious American Association
for the Dis Advancement of Science
promptly responded and revealed it
will honor Conrad with a plague.
"We'd like it to be the Bubonic,"
said an official. "Furry ol' Ed
deserves the best."
When contacted in his cubicle at
the Hme for the Criminally Insane in
Shenandoah, Pa., Conrad had this
brief comment after being handed
the phone once his straitjacket
was removed:
"The anthros, their interests SO vested.
And Poor Truth for too long molested
Their deceit and deception
Near the point of perfection
If it were my call, they'd ALL be arrested."
Conrad then feebly pointed to
the ceiling of his 6-x- 8-foot padded
enclosure and chuckled, claiming none
of the nurses had ever noticed it.
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/SaveTheWhale.jpg
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Then the bastard lifted up the toilet seat
and this grotesque picture could be
seen. (First make sure all of the kiddies
are in bed.)
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/TightFit.jpg
..
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Conrad, long admired by Bill
O'Reily and his Lunatic Fringe
and is greatly admired by Rush
Limbaugh and his Siamese twin,
President Bush, remarked with
a twinkle in his evil eye:
"If pseudos' noses would glow
Like Santa's Rudolph, you know
Whenever they're telling a lie
It might put an end to the flow
Of all the HOT AIR they blow
And Truth might start flying high."'
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> AN EDITORIAL COMMENT
> (Normally We Don't Make These)
<
> THREE CHEERS FOR ED CONRAD
> http://www.edconrad.com
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http://www.edconrad.com/FOSSILS08/HumanFemur.jpg
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FirstDiscovery.jpg
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/InSlate11.jpg
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Scorpion.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/PetrifiedPP.jpg
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And these new ones, which you haven't seen before...
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http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell11.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSILCell.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell1.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell2.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell3.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell4.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell5.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell6.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cel8.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cel7.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell9.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell11.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell12.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell13.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell14.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell15.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell16.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell17.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell18.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell19.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell20.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell21.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell22,jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell23.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell24.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell25.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell26.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell27.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell28.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell29.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FOSSIL-Cell30.jpg
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Me and Blue
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Ed&Blue.JPG
Autographed pix, with paw print, available on eBay.
<
> WORLDWIDE NEWS AGENCIES>>Associated Press AP>African Eye News
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Information Agency>Makfax - Macedonian News Agency>Reality
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NEPA>Official Jordania News Agency, PETRA>Oman News Agency>Pakistan
Press International, PPI>Panafrican News Agency>Polska Agencja
Prasowa, PAP>Prensa Latina>Press association>Prime-TASS Economic News
Agency>Reuters>Russian Information Agency, Ria
"Novosti">Schweizerische Depeschen Agentur, SDA>Serbian Press Agency,
SRNA>Slovene Press Agency, STA>SNARK News Agency>Suomen
Tietotoimisto>Tanjug News Agency>Telegrafnoye Agnetstvo Sovietskogo
Snyuza, TASS>Tidningranas Talegrambyra, TT>Tlacova agentura Slovenskej
republiky, TASR>Vietnam News Agency>Yemen News Agency, SABA>Yonhap
News Agency>Xinhua News Agency><> > WORLD'S LARGEST NEWSPAPERS>>Rank
Country Circulation>1. Yomiuri ****mbun (Japan) 14,532,694>2. Asahi
****mbun (Japan) 12,601,375>3. Sichuan Ribao (China) 8,000,000>4.
Mainichi ****mbun (Japan) 5,845,857>5. Bild (Germany) 5,674,400>6.
Chunichi ****mbun (Japan) 4,323,144>7. Sun (England) 3,718,354>8.
Renmin Ribao (China) 3,000,000>9. Sankei ****mbun (Japan) 2,890,835>10.
Nihon Keizai ****mbun Japan 2,705,877>11. Gongren Ribao (China)
2,500,000>12. Daily Mail (England) 2,387,867>13. Daily Mirror
(England) 2,339,001>14. Chosun Ilbo (South Korea) 2,225,000>15. Dong-A
Ilbo (South Korea) 2,150,000>16. Hokkaido ****mbun (Japan)
1,962,666>17. Elefth*****ypia (Greece) 1,858,316>18. Xin Min Wan Bao
(China) 1,750,000>19. Wall Street Journal (U.S.) 1,740,450>20.
Yangcheng Wanbao China 1,730,000>21. Kerala Kaumudi (India)
1,720,000>22. Wen Hui Bao Daily (China 1,700,000>23. USA Today (United
States) 1,653,428>24. Joong-Ang Ilbo (S. Korea) 1,550,000>25. Economic
Daily (China) 1,500,000>26. Rodong Sinmun (N. Korea) 1,500,000>27.
Kyung-Hyang Daily News 1,478,537>28. S****ts Nippon (Japan)
1,452,699>29. ****zuoka ****mbun (Japan)) 1,442,310>30. Sankei S****ts
(Japan) 1,367,734>31. Deutche Allgemeine Germ 1,313,400>32. United
Daily News (Taiwan ) 1,300,000>33. China Times (Taiwan) 1,270,000>34.
O Estado de Sao Paulo Brazil) 1,230,160>35. Jang Daily (Pakistan)
1,200,000>36. Jang Lahore (Pakistan) 1,200,000>37. Akhbar El Yom/Al
Akhbar (Egypt) 1,159,339>38. Hankook Ilbo (South Korea) 1,156,000>39.
Hochi ****mbun (Japan) 1,119,031>40. Daily Express (England)
1,118,981>41. Los Angeles Times (U.S.) 1,067,540>42. New York Times
(U>S) 1,066,540>43. Tokyo ****mbun (Japan 1,062,080>44. Daily Telegraph
(England) 1,047,861>45. Ni****nippon ****mbun Japan 1,041,104>46.
Jiefang Ribao (China) 1,000,000>47. Nanfang Ribao (China)
1,000,000>48. Nongmin Ribao (China) 1,000,000>49. Zhongguo Qingnian
Ribao (China) 1,000,000>50. Nikkan S****ts (Japan) 984,058>51. Al
Akhbar (Egypt) 980,000>52. Guangming Ribao (China) 950,000>53. Al
Ahram (Egypt) 900,000>54. Al Goumhouriya (Egypt) 900,000>55. Seoul
****nmun (S. Korea) 900,000>56. Xin Hua Ribao (China) 900,000>57.
Verdens Gang (Norway) 870,267>58. Corriere della Sera (Italy)
868,266>59. Kyoto ****mbun (Japan) 839,499>60. Chugoku ****mbun (Japan)
820,000>61 Kobe ****mbun Japan 820,000>62. Times of India (India)
813,000>63. Kobe ****mbun (Japan) 810,353>64. Beijing Wanbao (China)
800,000>65. Hubei Ribao (China) 800,000>66. Jiefangjun Ribao (China)
800,000>67. Trybuna Slaska (Poland) 800,000>68. La Gazzetta dello
S****t Italy 798,243>69. Ouest-France (France) 790,133>70. Holos
Ukrainy (Ukraine) 768,000>71. The Times (England) 766,999>72. ABC
(Spain) 765,668>73. Wa****ngton Post (U.SSS>) 759,122>74. La Repubblica
(Italy) 754,930>75. De Telegraf (Netherlands) 751,400>76. Gazeta
Wyborcza (Poland) 750,000>77. Zero Hora (Brazil) 727,188>78. Diario
dos Campos (Brazil) 725,000>79. New York Daily News (U.S.) 723,143>80.
Sabah (Turkey) 722,950>81. Jornal da Tarde (Brazil) 709,793>82.
Beijing Ribao (China) 700,000>83. Chongqing Ribao (China) 700,000>84.
Clarin (Argentina) 700,000>85. Thai Rath (Thailand 700,000>86.
Zhejiang Ribao (China) 700,000>87. Diario Insular (****tugal)
684,143>88. Granma Internacional (Cuba) 675,000>89. Chicago Tribune
(U.S>) 673,508>90. Daily Record (Scotland) 671,267>91. China Daily
News (Taiwan) 670,000>92. The Daily Star (England) 650,406>93. Guangxi
Ribao (China) 650,000>94. Malayala Manorama (India) 630,068>95. La
Nacion (Argentina) 630,000>96. Hurriyet (Turkey) 615,579>97. Herald
Sun (Australia) 600,000>98. Hurriyet (Pakistan) 600,000>99. Liaoning
Ribao (China) 600,000>100. Oriental Daily News (Hong Kong) 600,000><>
> 100 LARGEST NEWSPAPERS IN U.S.>>Rank Circulation>1. USA Today
(Arlington, Va.) 2,154,539>2. Wall Street Journal (NY N.Y.)
2,091,062>3. Times (New York, N.Y.) 1,118,565>4. Times (Los Angeles)
914,584>5. Post (Wa****ngton, DC) 732,872>6. Daily News (New York,
N.Y.) 729,124>7. Tribune (Chicago) 680,879>8. Post (New York, N.Y.)
652,426>9. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.) 580,069>10. Chronicle (Houston)
553,018>11. Chronicle (San Francisco) 512,640>12. Morning News
(Dallas) 510,133>13. Sun-Times (Chicago) 481,798>14 Globe (Boston)
450,538>15. Arizona Republic (Phoenix) 432,284>16. Star-Ledger
(Newark, N.J.) 408,672>17. Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 380,354>18.
Inquirer (Philadelphia) 376,493>19. Journal-Constitution (Atlanta)
371,853>20. Plain Dealer (Cleveland) 365,288>21. Free Press (Detroit)
352,714>22. Oregonian (****tland) 342,789>23. Times (St. Petersburg,
Fla.) 334,742>24. Union-Tribune (San Diego) 328,531>25. Herald (Miami)
315,850>26. Register Orange County CA 302,864>27. Sun (Baltimore)
301,186>28. Bee (Sacramento, Calif.) 289,905>29. Post (Denver)
288,937>30. Rocky Mtn. News Denver 288,889>31. Post-Dispatch (St.
Louis) 285,869>32. Mercury News San Jose CA 271,997>33. Star (Kansas
City, Mo.) 267,273>34. Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) 257,222>35.
Times-Picayune N Orleans 253,610>36. Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio)
252,564>37. Star (Indianapolis) 249,891>38. Journal Sentinel Milwaukee
244,288>39. Post-Gazette Pittsburgh Pa 242,546>40. Herald (Boston)
241,457>41. Sun-Sentinel (Ft L'dale, Fla ) 233,634>42. Times (Seattle)
231,505>43. News (Detroit) 227,392>44. Observer (Charlotte, N.C.)
226,849>45. Tribune (Tampa, Fla.) 224,220>46. Express-News S Antonio
Tx 222,536>47. Investor's Business Daily LA 215,788>48. Star-Telegram
Ft Worth, TX) 215,452>49. Courier-Journal L'ville Ky 213,176>50. News
(Buffalo, N.Y.) 207,989>51. Daily Oklahoman Okla City 207,538>52.
Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.) 201,141>53. World-Herald Omaha Neb.
192,075>54. Pioneer Press(St Pau, Minn 190,392>55. Times-Dispatch
Richmond 188,540>56. Courant (Hartford, Conn.) 185,570>57.
Press-Enterprise R'side CA 183,974>58. Democrat-Gazette (L'l Rock
183,343>59. American-Statesman Austin 183,312>60. Contra Costa Times
(Calif.) 182,541>61. Enquirer (Cincinnati) 182,176>62. Record (Bergen
County, N.J.) 179,270>63. Daily News (Los Angeles) 178,360>64.
Democrat (Rochester, N.Y.) 173,900>65. Tennessean (Nashville)
172,149>66. Post (W. Palm Beach, Fla.) 168,147>67.
Times-Union(Jacksonville Fla 167,851>68. Journal (Providence, R.I.)
167,609>69. Asbury Park Press (N.J.) 167,284>70. News & Observer
Raleigh NC 163,769>71. Review-Journal (Las Vegas) 160,391>72. Bee
(Fresno, Calif.) 158,651>73. Commercial Appeal Memphis 157,820>74.
Register (Des Moines, Iowa) 150,851>75. Post-Intelligencer (Seattle)
150,851>76. Daily Herald (Chicago) 150,364>77. News (Birmingham, Ala.)
148,938>78. Daily News (Philadelphia) 143,631>79. Journal News
Westchester NY) 142,873>80. Advertiser (Honolulu) 142,025>81. Blade
(Toledo, Ohio) 139,520>82. World (Tulsa, Okla.) 139,383>83. Press
(Grand Rapids, Mich.) 138,620>84. Tribune (Salt Lake City) 134,985>85.
Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio 128,511>86. News Tribune Tacoma Wash
..128,511>87. Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) 126,642>88. La Opinion Los
Angeles Calif 124,692>89. Post-Standard Syracuse, N.Y. 120,701>90.
Tribune-Review (Greensburg Pa) 119,646>91. News Journal (Wilmington,
Del. ) 116,398>92. News-Sentinel (Knoxville, Tenn.) 114,593>93. State
(Columbia, S.C.) 114,442>94. Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 111,594>95.
Journal (Albuquerque) 109,693>96. Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.)
106,941>97. Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Fla.) 105,636>98. News-Journal
(Daytona Fla.) 104,654>99. Telegram (Worcester MA) 102,592>100. Times
(Wa****ngton, DC) 102,255
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